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Suggestions for 7 year old going to dad's

My son is 7 years old and has been going to his dad's for visits every other weekend for all his life. In the last month, he's been getting very upset about going, saying he misses us (myself and his step-dad). When we ask him why he's getting so upset, he says that he doesn't have any fun there and he just misses us and wants to stay home with us. My problem is when his dad comes to pick him up, he starts getting very emotional and crying and doesn't want to go. Once he finally goes and gets in the car to leave, I get a smile with a wave good bye as they pull away, so I know there's no abuse or anything like that. He's got a 2 year old 1/2 brother that he talks about often, but it sounds like he's not getting the attention he's used to there. How do I handle the emotional time when he's leaving? Should I give him a big hug and kiss and tell him to pull it together and we'll see him the next evening when we pick him up?

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Asked by nicksmom9402 at 8:55 AM on Nov. 21, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (5)
  • awe thats sad. i lived with my grandparents they rasied me.. what about having visatations in ur home if he dont wanna go to his dads.. just mention to his dad that he not happy goign there and u want him in his son life so why dont we just have visatations in ur home where he is happy .. even if its just a hr every sat

    Answer by BellaDiamond at 9:15 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I say hug him and kiss him and let him go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • hug kiss and go. HOWEVER, if you are on speaking terms with dad I would maybe mention it to him so that he can deal with it from his side.
    also wait to see if he says more.
    I would not suggest visitations in your home -- that would be being intrusive inot your life and their relationship (as I'm sure you know).

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 12:37 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Thanks for the feedback. His father and I are not on speaking terms unless necessary. Him coming into my home is definately not an option! It's a horrible feeling to send your child off crying, as I'm sure every mother experiences at some time. I guess I just needed affirmation that giving him a kiss and hug and sending him on his way is the best thing to do. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want to hurt him emotionally by telling him he needs to "pull it together". He's a very emotional kid, but I guess what makes me feel a little better about doing that is that by the time they pull away, he's waving to me and blowing kisses with a smile on his face.
    His father (my ex-husband) and I don't get along by any means, but my DH and I have always been very careful not to talk badly about his father, and if I had any suspicions that there was something going on (abuse of any sort), I would not allow my son to go. Thanks!

    Answer by nicksmom9402 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Maybe you can find some special activities-projects that your son can only take over there, saving them for that special time, to make it more fun there.
    You could temporarily shorten his visits over there while he is feeling this way.
    And you can talk to your son about how much his daddy really wants to see him and have him come there-- reassuring him that his presence is wanted there.
    You could let your ex know that your-his boy is going through a time where he could use more one-on-one time from daddy.

    Answer by doulala at 7:14 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

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