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Just curious as to what ALL think of this.....

"Before you were conceived...I wanted you! Before you were born, I Loved You. Before you were an hour old, I would die for you!" I read this yesterday, dealing with adoption...Just curious ......Is this how each of us FEEL, regardless of how we became Moms? MY take from this quote, is possibly biased, because I am a First Mom, but having read this, I supposed that possibly this IS how Moms may feel whom have adopted. Regardless, maybe this will give us MORE compassion, as to just how much a young expectant Mom, truly feels...even though she cannot parent. This feeling never leaves us, and therefore it is what makes ME know that OPEN ADOPTION ,legally enforced, should be the ONLY type of adoption, JMHO! Blessings, C.J.

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ceejay1

Asked by ceejay1 at 10:04 AM on Nov. 21, 2009 in Adoption

Level 15 (2,298 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Open adoption is certainly something I support but I don't think it should be the ONLY form available. You have to remember that there are times when it would not be feasible OR in the best interests of the child. Take, for instance, a drug addicted mom who has had her baby taken from her and her parental rights terminated. Granted that may be an extreme example but there are many things that would make an open adoption more of a libility than anything else. Where open adoption, for whatever reason, is not feasible, I do believe that the adoptee, upon reaching 18 yrs of age, should have access to ALL records.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 10:44 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Meriana, Point well taken, and of course, as any Legal law binding agreement, there most certainly is the exceptions,(mental illness, which od course in time MAY change...abuse, safety, drugs, etc.) but what about the fathers, families, etc? I DO agree there will be cases that Open, would NOT be, advisable, but there are many types of "OPEN' as we all know. Even a mentally ill Mother will most likely feel a continuence of loss, so would it then be possible for bi-annually letters through a 3rd party? I DO agree there are times, that this would not be advantageous to the child! This, quote i have given above...by the way...comes from "a" Mom , whom is thinking about WHAT we should be Thankful for during the Thanksgiving prayers:) Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 10:56 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • "Before you were conceived...I wanted you! Before you were born, I Loved You. Before you were an hour old, I would die for you even though I hadn't met you yet!" I read this yesterday, dealing with adoption...Just curious ......Is this how each of us FEEL, regardless of how we became Moms?


    CJ-Yes, ma'am! This is how a feel about my adopted son. (Note the PAST tense....smile) and I added a phrase. You know our story and you understand. I think it takes an exceptional women, such as yourself, to step "out" of her life experience, and contemplate the feelings of others. It makes a person "grow" inside. Hugs & Joy to you this Thanksgiving! 

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:28 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I did not plan one of my adoptions, it was a family group, my other had been planned for years prior to even starting the process. Yes, I was in love with the child that would some day be mine, but that does not mean someone else didn't love her as well.

    In all 4 cases of my children, an open adoption would not have worked for different but specific reasons. Also, in our case, the first mothers were not young girls, they were adults, one in her late 30's at birth, and one in her 40's at time of relinquishment. Not all adoptions are the same or for the same reasons. However, I know people that have set up an open adoption and it has worked beautifully for everyone involved. If you had an open adoption agreement, it should have been in writing, and should have given you some rights that you can ask to be followed through.
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 11:28 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • adoptive moms feel just the same about our kids as bio moms....we are all but moms...walking around with our hearts on the outside of us in the form of our kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I would do anything for my child and have known for a long time now I would gladly give my life so he could live. Not even a question. Do I think all moms feel this way? No. In fact, I know they don't. I have had women confide in me they don't feel this way. I don't believe for a second my child's birthmother would give her life for my child's. She has proven beyond a doubt she wouldn't. I won't say how because she is a very unwell person. She is not evil or anything like that...just a desperate woman who is in need of help and resources.  Its complicated.  I agree she has the right to updates and information....but she is a long way from visits at this point with some of the things that occurred since my son has been born.  I would agree contact with letters can be enforced but not in person visits with an unwell person.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 5:12 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • frogdawg do you feel because a birtmom surrenders her child for adoptin but not under cps threat also would give her life for her child?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:11 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I'm not sure I understand your question. My son was not placed with us through CPS. I know many mothers who placed their children would do anything for their child they placed. And I know mothers who have lost custody through CPS who still would do anything. I can only tell you what I know is that some mothers do not always feel or act in their child's best interest nor would they give their life for their child. I have also met some women who would give their life for one child but could care less about another. I think it is so complicated why people do or don't do certain things. What I don't like is absolutes across the board.  Each situation is unique.  But I don't want anyone here to think we were in a foster/adopt situation.  It was a private one.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:29 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • To add - there are women who would give their life or risk their life for any child even if that child was not related to them in any way and was a stranger. It is not as if this doesn't happen every day. Why do people risk their lives or give their lives for stranger? Why do mothers kill? Why do humans kill at all? Why can't we provide for women and children? I don't know why to many things. I just think this is a complex world. I can only say in our case it breaks my heart I know my son's mother is hurting (and she is), that she hurts others, and my child may one day be very hurt by some of her actions. What I would love is for there to be more access and more resources available to women in need - regardless of what that need is. Then we wouldn't have women who make desperate decisions and poor choices out of limited options. 

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:03 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • No I was and wasn't referring to your situation,sorry it was confusing.It seems your sons birthmom has very serious issues that might have gotten in the way of her being able to be a proper mother.Then there are those that have children removed by cps.Finally there are those that would never physically or mentally harm their children but for a variety of reasons of self doubt surrender their child.You have answered my question I was just clarifying.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

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