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Why do I always end up in abusive relationships / unstable relationships with guys who have issues or addictions? Is it me, do I make them this way?

I am single right now and scared to death that the next person I end up with is going to turn into these monsters I have dated in the past. My past three serious relationships have been with these types of guys.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Nov. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • You dont' make them thaqt way, but something about the way you act and feel about yourself attracts them. In otherwords, it's best to stay away from dating all together for a while. Concentrate on yourself and learn to make yourself happy, and learn to love yourself. You don't need anyone to make you happy sweets :)
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:16 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I do the same thing, I thought my husband was different nope, he turned out the same, now wer'e seperated, he's partying and blowing money, and probably cheating, and I'm pregnant and we have a 13 month old. Everything else is a priority but us. I'm not looking for a guy in the future, God will have to send me somebody cause I'm scared to death, and I don't trust men.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • You don't make them that way but you clearly are choosing the wrong men. You need to get to know a guy and date before sex. You need to listen to family when they tell you the guy is an ass. You need to recognize the difference between love and lust. I would avoid men for a while and get counseling. Men who abuse are drawn to women with very low self esteem. They target them and know they are easily controlled. Get yourself strong and live your life a great guy will come along. You just have to not miss that opportunity. Could be a guy in your life now you have dismissed because he wasn't good looking enough or as cool as you would like him to be. I married a geek we have been happily married for 20 years. He is not someone I would have thought I would be with. He was my best friend and in time I just fell in love with him. It wasn't the whole magical lust filled thing people want it was real love.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Here's the thing women have yet to figure out. There's a man out there for you, in fact more than one. Focus on you & being happy with yourself, once you can say you accept all of you then you will start to attract a man that reflects that. Men are a dime a dozen, we're the special ones!! Stop settling for the losers, you deserve better. Stop looking for love in the wrong places & when you see the warning signs going up listen to them. You have women's intuition, use it. Many times we allow ourselves to be in relationships we know are doomed because we are afraid to be alone. Why? What's wrong with being alone? Especially if that's the alternative. Do you feel so worthless that you feel you can't do better? Focus on what's best for you, its okay to be selfish, you're the only one that's gonna take care of you. I used to be the same way, now I'm married to a wonderful man, am truly happy. GOOD LUCK finding urself
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 11:26 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • You chose that type of person by appearing open and desperate. Deep down you probably have a desire to rescue someone. It's true. Most do. If you don't want this type of person in your life, stay away from them. Do not go looking and do not even communicate with this type of person. You have to avoid them all together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • No it's not you as much as like anon 10:27 says, it's your body language. These men are predators and they read your appearance. These men are bad men, usually sociopaths. They use women like they would toilet paper then throw them away when they are done with them( us). I used to end up with men like that. I started meeting guys online so I could screen them better than I do in person. I would get them to talk to me about their life and I'd make sure I brought up their mom just to see how they felt about their mom. Many sociopaths dislike their mom but some of these guys are just great actors and say bs no matter what the subject is. Now I get others who have made good decisions about men to meet the guy and see what she thinks about him but do it before you get too emotionally involved with the next one.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:45 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • There was a time when I was younger where the same thing was happening to me. It seemed that the only men who wanted to be with me were ones who treated me badly after we began dating. Often in the beginning, they would pursue me like crazy so it felt that somehow I had done something "wrong" to cause them to change later. Then I'd really begin to act desperate. In fact, I stopped dating men altogether and was with a woman for a long time. After I broke up with her, I decided to get therapy because I finally realized that it something in me that was making me attract the wrong kinds of men. The therapy proved to be invaluable. I learned to respect myself and to demand in a man that he earn my love and trust. If things didn't add up with a man, he didn't get past the first date. I also learned to take things slow and to realize that a lot of guys will tell you anything to get you into an intimate relationship. ...continue below
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • continued... Often guys are all infatuated with the chase to get you to be their girl in the beginning that they don't show their true colors. Once the chase is over, they don't really care what you think or how you feel anymore. You need to give it time to find out if that is all the guy is about - the chase. And as admckenzie says above, find out about their family life and how they feel about their mom. That tells SO MUCH how a guy is. But seeing is believing and make sure his isn't all about talk. Also find out if he has had healthy long term relationships in the past. The key is - just because a guy seems crazy about you the first few months is not enough to tell you he is quality. Really take some time to see what he is about. And dump his ass if he doesn't make the grade. Take care of YOU.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • seems to me like you like lost puppies people you can "fix up". so the people you like are broken and wanting to fix them up is an admriable think but do it as a friend not as a girlfriend and look at your life when your single make it so you cna survive with or without a man in your life so that if the next is not so good you cna get rid of him with no consiquences
    jajamama

    Answer by jajamama at 3:27 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

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