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Cafe Mom = Moms working together and giving helpful advice..... NOT!!!

Well thats what I thought anyways when I first heard of cafe mom. I thought "Oh how cool a place where moms can Q and A other moms in a positive way and help one another" weather its parenting advice or about what type of toilet paper they buy. But instead I find more negative advice then positive advice on here. What ever happened to constructive critisim? Why must other moms beat down,bash, make them feel like a bad parent etc? Why not give positive helpful advice? For all those negative,bashing anon posting momma's out there is it really that hard to be thoughtful and helpful? Its just drives me crazy seeing all kinds of negative post when all the Mom is looking for is good, helpful advice. Cant we all just help one another?!? Just had to vent. Thanks for reading. ;)


Asked by AProsser at 4:47 PM on Nov. 21, 2009 in About CafeMom

Level 3 (20 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think it just depends on where you go. Q&A is just a place for quick advice. Too many people treat it like their own personal forum. However, if you are looking for help or support on any topic your best bet is to find a group on the topic. There are groups that are the same way but for the most there are some really helpful women out there that get tarred and feathered because of the drama in this one section. Branch out and see what else CM has to offer.

    Answer by Liansmommie at 4:06 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • clappingway to go

    I was thinking the same thing!


    Answer by sugahmamma at 4:52 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I take breaks from this site. I see such unfairness. How certain answers get knocked off and others remain is just truly a disgrace.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I think the negative posts usually go to the people that deserve it - the mom who thought it was ok to smoke in the house because her child was old enough that it wouldn't hurt him or the mom who hits her 3 year old for biting his finger nails.

    Then there are the people who ask for it by asking, "Am I a bad mom?" If you don't want people's opinions, don't ask. And never ask that question, you don't want to hear people tell you that you are a bad mom.

    No one can make you feel like a bad parent if you are a good parent. Some moms need to hear that they aren't parenting well and need to learn some new skills. It's best for their kids and best for them. It's not always their fault they are bad parents, no one has told them or taught them. Even if the mom that asked the question wasn't helped another mom that read the question and it may change her mothering for the better.

    Some of us are advocates for the children.

    Answer by Gailll at 5:05 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Please keep in mind that while reading others posts its very easy to take things negatively if you set your question up in a way that you might get attacked. Many times i have said something in such a way that I thought was constructive and have been accused of being rude. That was not my intention of course, but without my eye contact, hand gestures and tone of voice (etc.) who's to know? Also, there are many times when women here just tell it like it is, and others don't like that. eh. Why must everything be sugar coated all the time? Life certainly isn't that way.

    With that said. There are other women who post here who are just plain bitches. They come here with the true intent of causing drama. And the admin team does have a hard time trying to figure out which ladies truly intend that and who doesn't

    Answer by outstandingLove at 5:13 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Well I do completly agree with you Gailll. But my point is that for example with the Mother who smokes in the house with her 3 yrs old instead of saying "You are a horrible mother and you should have your kids taken away!!!" say.. "Smoking in the house with a child no matter there age is very unhealthy for the child and will if not already cause many health problems for them. Just because you choose to smoke doesnt mean your child has to as well. Your child doesnt have a choice and cant speak for themself but do them a favor and go outside. Do it because you love them." Thats just a example of what Im trying to say.

    Answer by AProsser at 5:15 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Are you basing this on the Answers section because this is the only place I see an over abundance of that stuff going on. I know it happens in groups too but not as much. I recommend you find some groups where you fit in and are of intereste to you because that's where you'll find the encouragement and support as well as decent friends. At least that is my experience. Believe me... people can be like that anywhere you go. Don't blame CafeMom; it's not them the Team is awesome and so is their intent for this site. It's a few bad trees that need pruning. =)

    Answer by firenicecream at 5:23 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • To be quite perfectly honest, most of these women don't have any kind of life outside of their children. So suddenly they are experts are raising their children,yours, and mines.

    I ignore most of it but best way to avoid it is stick to other groups other then new comers club. I take frequent breaks from this site. You might need to also :)

    Answer by ArmyGal at 6:17 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • you need to find a good group to fit in with and you will really enjoy cafemom! you can form some really life long friendships and get great advice. I hope that my advice will change your mind about cafemom. I think it is a great site, you just have to ignore some of the rude people.

    Answer by threeboysmama at 6:41 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • The groups on here are good places but OP has made a very good point. I've personally experanced points where I'll ask a question and it turns into attack of the moms. So, I've had a bad day something SO does that normally doesn't piss me off or upset me gets to me. I ask if I'm overreacting cause I really can't tell. Suddenly 18 moms are saying "are you stupid? why do stay with such a terrible person? you're endangering your son!"

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Nov. 21, 2009