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Is it ok to be cursed at by your SO/spouse if it is not acceptable conversation in your home?

Okay so here is a question for you ladies and the few men that have snuck in here (lol)

When is it okay for your SO or spouse to curse when speaking to you?

I accept that my spouse is going to curse after a hard day at work. I expect a few cuss words if a project is not going his way. I even ignore it when he is watching sports, news or traffic.

I do not accept nor enjoy the curse word uttered in a sentence directed at me. I think it is inappropriate and shows a lack of respect love or dedication. I would expect to recieve an apology when this happens. However alot of the time I don't. The words sting and make it hard for me to even believe any kind words that have been said to me. Worse tonight was he assumed I was going to say something I was not even thinking. He replied "because I am Fucking old". I have no idea what he thought I was about to say. He knows it upset me but choses to ignore my pain.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Nov. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • When you've both had some time to calm down. Speak to him frankly, in a way that doesn't accuse him, about how it makes you feel when that happens. I would also make him aware that he misjudged whatever he thought you were goping to say.

    As for the question in general. We may curse in speaking about a frustrating situation but never we directly speaking to one another. It is just disrespectful. If he is angry or uopset at me he better find an intelligent way to get the poiint across without vulgarity.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:46 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • He will continue to do it as long as you allow it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:47 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • okay I did tell him he misjudged what I was going to say and told him I was gonna comment how red his neck was getting. Nothing to do with age

    2nd how do I not stand for it??
    sexymomma1968

    Answer by sexymomma1968 at 6:50 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I don't think cursing at someone is ever appropriate and I agree that it does show a lack of respect and love....unfortunately it happens because we don't share that view. Have you told your SO how it makes u feel when he does that? I would day if he at least makes the effort not to after you've said something then its not a respect issue for but rather a habit issue; so u would need to remind him when he does it. My SO does that "assuming he knows what I'm thinking" and i dislike it too but for the most part i don't argue with him about it cause its hardly worth the effort...lol!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • i think it depends. in most cases i would ay not okay. well in any case it is mean and shows disrespect but i think sometimes people have it coming. like dhs ex gave him an std. he called her nasty horrible names. she deserved it. of course she cried "verbal abuse"
    talk to him when u both are not fighting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I'm ok with my boyfriend cursing if he's just telling me about his day, or in a sentence (ex. "damn, I forgot to mail that check today!"). But for him to curse AT me, calling me a b*tch or saying F you, that would be a problem for me. And if he ever did that, I would tell him once that I won't tolerate being treated that way. Second time, he'd be told that I'm done with the relationship. It's one thing to be mad at me b/c I've said or done something you don't like, it's something else entirely for you to show that kind of disrespect and curse at me like that b/c I've said or done something you don't like. I would never talk to him like that, and I would expect the same courtesy and respect from him.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:18 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • It is never appropriate or loving to curse at your husband or wife.
    Or family member . Or friend. Or anyone.
    Lindalu2

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 11:48 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • We both curse. We use it in our everday speech, though we don't overly use it in a day. However, it isn't acceptable if he calls me a bitch, or some other name of that sort. I don't care if he curses during an argument, or even just in general talk. However, I do mind if the directed response is to me and he's using those curse words to attack me. My husband hasn't ever done this, but I would definatley not respect him if he did do it.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:58 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I have a similar problem. My spouse goes from mildly irritated to 120% furious in a few seconds and when he does, almost alway yells f - you at me. I absolutely hate it. He is aware how I feel about it. I have even gone so far as to explain that to me its one of the worst things you can say to a woman in anger. Forr me those words are really beyond offensive. He sees no real value in apologies and would prefer that the offense simply not be repeated. The fact that this infraction is repeated clearly means he isn't sorry. It is frustrating. If we were dating, I would not put up with it, but we are married and that commitment is deeply meaningful to me. All I can say is no, it is not ok. Yes it is emotionally abusive, and yes you deserve better from him. I dont hear it often, but when I do, I say, "That's not what I'm here for." Then leave the area. Luckily, it doesn't happen very often. I hope someday it stops.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

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