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Different rules among divorced parents?

My step-daughter Kaitlin is 14 and she is a freshman in high school. My husband and I share custody of her and her 16 year old brother with her mother. Every other weekend Kaitlin spends with her mother. This past weekend, Kaitlin comes home with new clothes that her mother had bought her at Victoria Secret, Ruehl and Wet Seal. She comes home in shorts shorts, ridiculously revealing shirts and all sorts of totally innapropriate thongs and bras. I know that I am not her biological mother, but I care for how she presents herself. Would it be out of line for me to talk to her about perhaps dressing with more modesty?

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jennv9595

Asked by jennv9595 at 9:11 PM on Nov. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • I don't know that YOU specifically should talk to her, but certainly if her father shares your views, he could talk to her. OR, if he feels that it is appropriate, or if you think that you and your stepdaughter have a close enough relationship, and that you can handle the conversation without badmouthing her mom, by all means, have it. There is nothing wrong with caring about her, you just have to be careful to make sure that you don't come off looking like you just want to badmouth her mom or something.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:25 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • If she lives with you and spends ONLY every other weekend with her mother then your are her 'acting mother'. You would be her primary care taker. You should talk to her about the clothes and why they are inappropriate. You or her father should also talk to her mother and ask her not to buy any clothes for her without approval. If she is upset, save the clothes and I'm sure the if there is any threats of legal problems the clothes would show why you have made the request.



    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 9:48 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Not at all. There's nothing wrong with you telling her your concerns. Understand, she's got two different sets of rules, apparently, so she's probably going to pick whichever set she likes best, but if you can give her some good, solid reasons why she might not want to present herself that way, she'll at least have something to think about.
    GoodMomma24-7

    Answer by GoodMomma24-7 at 11:58 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

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