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How should I handle information about my 18 yr old daughter's recent activities?

I recently discovered, through my daughter's bank statement, that she traveled on the train to a nearby city (about 2 hours away) and returned the next day when she had told me she was spending the night at a friends. I thought that the charges were identity theft but now realize that it probably was not. This happened about a month ago. Should I let it go or talk with her about it? She is a high school grad, living at home, working pt time and will be enrolling in college in January.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Nov. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I'm going to have to disagree with most of these people. She might be "legally" an adult, but if she's still living with you and depending on that in order to go to school - she is still in a position of dependence on you and therefore not an adult in practice. Obviously you can't control her every move, and you shouldn't try to do so.

    I agree with the person who said you should have a conversation with her about how if she's going to be trusted to act like an adult then she should be honest with you about where she was. And if she is relying on your support then she needs to be honest about where she is and what she's doing. Perhaps she doesn't have to have your apporoval or blessing, but she should be honest about where she is.

    What if she'd gotten into some trouble and not been able to contact you for help while she was on her secret trip? You'd have had no way of finding her.
    MamaSueCongdon

    Answer by MamaSueCongdon at 9:06 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Shes a legal adult. You two need to sit down and have a talk about how adults dont need to lie to each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I'd let it go.... she's an adult now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I say let it go since it's been a month and she is working and planning on going to college. If she was being a lazy bum then it would be a different situation....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I would just let it go, she is 18 and it sounds like she has her head on straight. Maybe she was just going to meet a guy or something and thought you wouldn't approve. I wouldn't worry about it. Because she did come back home, and she is getting ready for college, you shouldn't treat her like a child.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 11:50 AM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Thank you so much for these answers - all pretty much the same. We have had some trust issues over the years with her with sneaking out at night, smoking pot, going to a party but also realize that if she were away at college, I would not know about these things so would not obsess about them. Will continue to pray over letting go and trying to trust.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Talk to her about the lying. Let her know that, that wasn't needed. She is a legal adult, but still has rules to follow while living at your house. You are her parents and still have an obligation to keep her safe. Therefore, you need her to be honest with you and would like her to. Just talk with her, stay calm, and don't jump to punishment. Just let her explain herself and try to find a common ground with her about how you two can work something out in the future.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:31 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Yea I would talk to her about telling you the truth because someday she will be far away and if she is lying to people about where she is and something where to happen to her no one could help her. I would tell to make sure that someone she trust like a room mate or you always knows where she is going just as a safety precaution this is a good thing for all adults to do.
    PsychMommie

    Answer by PsychMommie at 12:57 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I would talk to her about telling the truth and explain that, even though she's an adult, you still worry. Maybe she could have just told you she was going so that you would know where she was in case something happened that was an emergency (death, illness) or if something happened to her while she was gone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • She lied, and you snooped... neither is right
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Nov. 22, 2009