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OMG! Need advice how to deal with this.

My DS visits his Dad every other weekend. This weekend when he picked him up he tells me that 6 months ago DEA agents came to his house and went through everything, took his computer and phone and arrested him. He is being accused of date rape. The girl says he put GHP in her drink. She did test positive for GHP. Now he has to face a grand jury. My DS is almost 13. He was not there when all that happened but kids hear things ya know. Do I talk to my DS about it or just wait. I do not know alot of details and have no idea how the law works. Do I prepare him incase his Dad goes to jail. HMMM! I don't know what to do. Do I continue to let him go to his Dads? ??HELP!


Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Nov. 22, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Wow, that is such a toughie. My kids father was convicted of rape, when they were both less than 3 yrs old. I've decided not to tell them until they are mature enough to handle it. Unfortunately, you don't get that same luxury. I would say you need to sit down with his dad and find out exactly what his dad has told him, if anything. The first step is to see what he knows, b/c if he knows nothing, you don't want to blow him away with it. Once you determine what he knows, then I'd take a little time to think about the situation and decide, based on his maturity, exactly what he needs to be told. Can he handle being told the exact circumstances, or is it better that he only be told that dad is facing some legal issues that need to be worked out, that kind of thing. As for seeing dad still, I think that's something you need to decide. Do you think he'll be safe with dad? Does dad still want him to come?

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:30 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Do you have a lawyer? If you do you should ask him/her about the legal side of it. (visitation) You should just ask your so what her knows about it. At 13 his Dad might have said something to him already.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:07 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Did his dad say if he has told him anything? You probably will want him to tell your son. And then you two can talk about it afterwards.

    Answer by kjrn79 at 1:18 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Your son is old enough to know the truth. Your ex, you and your son need to sit down and have a long talk and let your son ask whatever questions he has and answer them honestly. Keep the lines of communication open. He is old enough to know that every action has a consequence.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:45 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • When my son(who is 14 now) was 10, his father went to jail for rape and is still in jail. It was hard for me to come to terms to it, but I had to do what's best for my son. We were separated and I was seeing someone and pregnant again, so he has a father figure in his life, which was my main concern. In my opinion, sit down with your son and tell him the truth. Don't sugar coat it..too much. My son was 10 when we told him that "daddy was going to jail because he did some bad things". He had lots of questions, but we answered them and he got it. He is still confused, but we take it one day at a time.
    Good Luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Nov. 24, 2009