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To snoop or not to snoop that is the question?

Say that your SO has had a shady activity and attitude...especially in the past. He doesn't tell you all of what's going on...just things that he think you want to hear and that you should trust him. You're suspicious but you want to trust him. Would you just trust him blindly? Or would you go through his phone or his social account (Facebook, myspace, whatnot) to confirm suspicion? But according to some, that's invasion of privacy. But what if by going through his stuff...it's the only way you can tell if he's cheating or not or even doing something illegal. So at what point do you and SO should have some sort of privacy...are phones, emails, and social account off limits? What are your thoughts?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Nov. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • It is without a doubt invasion of privacy, but I couldn't be honest and say I wouldn't do it. If I had a any reason to believe my husband wasn't being honest with me about something, or he was being suspicious, I'd search through his accounts. I wouldn't do it normally, but if I had reason to believe he was hiding something I would. Is it wrong to search through his personal accounts? Sure it is, but if he isn't going to be honest with me, then I'm going to find out the truth myself. I trust my husband without a single doubt and I know that he trusts me. However, if I beleive he is lying to me, being shady, or doing things behind my back then to me that is breaking my trust. Which means that if I can't trust him the gloves are off.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:47 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • My husband and I know each other's passwords for facebook, email, etc. We have no need for "privacy" in our marriage. He does not look at my facebook or email (unless I ask him to look something up for me, or we're waiting for an email) but I do play on his accounts, mostly when he's out to sea and I'm just checking things for him. It's not snooping though.

    I think you need to have a serious talk with him, if you feel it's necessary to snoop. JMO.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 4:23 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Well I would go through his phone facebook myspace computer history or whatever but in saying that he needs to know that you share everything and also let him have your passwords and do the same If he wants to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • At this point, when the trust is already gone...does it really matter what you would find? Even if you found nothing, would you then start trusting him "blindly"? Serious questions.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 4:26 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I don't feel I should need to snoop. When I was with my lying, cheating, loser ex, I did snoop, and I hated the way it made me feel. I'm very lucky that I have a boyfriend who believes in total honesty, and would let me look at his e-mail, facebook, myspace, whatever, if I just ask. And b/c he's that open with me (and btw, I am the same with him), I know that I can trust him. I take him at his word, and will continue to do so unless/until he gives me a reason not to trust him. At that point, I will ask, and if I have trouble believing him, I will reevaluate our relationship. But even then, I still will not snoop. If I have so little faith in him that I can't trust him to be faithful and not be doing criminal things, then instead of snooping, I'd rather end things.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:28 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • OP here:


    I also have another question similar to this...if you answered this question, please take a look and answer the other one. Thanks so much!


    To snoop or not to snoop that is the question? (part 2) child/parent

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Life is made of choices and you have to respect his choices especially since you are not married to him. The good news is that if he is doing something illegal then you are not responsible for his actions. If you truly have a bad vibe about the man maybe you should distance yourself from him. I wouldn't put myself through the stress of checking up on him all the time. I'd just let him live his life. You can always just date him if you really like the guy but I wouldn't put a lot of stock in a relationship with a guy I didn't trust.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:25 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

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