Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Daughters boyfriend....?

My 15 year old daughter has had a boyfriend who is 17 for about a month now. His name is Jordan, and he is very nice and respectful towards the family, i hear good things about him from my friend who is a teacher at their school and has him as a student. He is also on the football team and really cute. His parents seem nice and are always there when she goes over there. But whenever i pick her up from his house or he drops her off (he has a car), she is almost always high. You know, confused, red/glassy eyed, giggley, everything leading me to believe so. Her hair is usually messed up too and her clothes twisted, making me think they might be having sex. When i ask her about these things, she just says "we're not, all we have done is kiss, god can't you trust me?" kind of thing. And....i don't know. It makes me think that hes not the great guy everyone thinks he is.

Answer Question
 
xxDianaxx

Asked by xxDianaxx at 4:49 PM on Nov. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If you suspect drugs, buy an at home drug test and have her pee in it. You can get one at the drug store. Put coloring in the toliet water so she cant cheat. If you think they are having sex, chances are you are right. The only reason I say that is most parents deny their kids could be having sex. He might still be a good guy, he might not. But you wont know until you test her but pot has a very noticable smell. You should be able to smell it on her, but not always. If you feel she is having sex, she needs protection.You can't keep them apart, they will just try harder to sneak around. Talk to her. GL..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 5:08 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I dont' have a daughter, but I do have a son. I am thinking you are right and he may not be the best guy for her. You can't do anything about him, but you can set her straight. Have her do one of the over the counter drug urine tests for you. It ruins your "trust" between the two of you to even ask her to do it, but it sounds like she has already done that herself. Tell her matter of factly that any priveleges she has will be suspended until she does it. Use it the day after you see her like that again, it should work for about 3 days afterwards.
    Unfortunately, I have become an expert on using them and on getting around my son trying to get around me. If you have any ?'s about them, just pm me. LOL.
    Good luck to you!
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 5:10 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I would trust your gut. Get DD on birth control & have a serious conversation about drug use.

    No 17 yr old is a nice guy-at that age they all think with their penis.
    Wiggles_GA

    Answer by Wiggles_GA at 5:10 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • Funny that it's all the guys fault and you no where say your DD is making bad choices! IME people don't go around forcing others to smoke pot, all my friends in HS were pot smokers, I only tried it 3 times, they just said "fine more for us". Yes teen boys can be persuasive in getting girls to have sex, but that is only is the girl has self esteem issues which again would turn back to your daughter. I think she is the one you should be worried about because if this guy is able to convince her to do drugs and have sex when she doesn't want to then getting rid of him is not going to fix the problem, just make her single for the next guy to take advantage of.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • OP, go with your gut. If you suspect something then there's probably a reason. I personally never allowed mine (I have 4 sons) to drive with anyone other than a parent until they were old enough to drive themselves. We picked them up or took them everywhere.

    To giggles, you reply was actually offensive. I have 4 sons and you know, they are all nice guys. Not all teen boys are dogs just because of hormones.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Nov. 22, 2009

  • I really think you need to start out with a non judgemental talk with your daughter. Let her know your concerns, just like you explained in your post and see what she has to say. Hopefully she will open up with you. If she doesn't then I would talk to the boy's mom or dad and see how much supervision goes on when she is there. And, as the mom of 3 daughters, I still wouldn't just assume it's all the boys fault. Good luck, raising teens is not easy.
    Sheila1970

    Answer by Sheila1970 at 10:57 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Teenagers lie! They may both be great kids, but she will not tell you about drugs or sex. Go with your gut. They cannot test her for drugs without her knowledge, it is against the law. Be open with her. Talk about birth control and let her know she can come to you. It is better than an unwanted pregnancy. The pot thing, I really don't know what to tell you. Ask her if she is willing to give a urine sample to the doc...see what her reaction is. Good luck.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 1:58 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • If you think they are, they probably are. There's not a lot you can do to stop them from having sex, but you can help your daughter be safe. No kid is perfect and it's plenty common for teenagers to experiment. Have a talk with her and don't judge her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Trust your instincts. Get her on birth control and help for the drug use. Restrict the time she and the boyfriend have time together. They say teen girls that don't date before 16 are less likely to get pregnant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • ok, get her on bc, better safe than sorry, cuz honestly she will never forgive you for a long time if you stop her form seeing him.. she will have sex wether you like it or not, so try to be as understanding as possible and be there for her. and if shes off getting high with him, well, sorry but there is worse things she can do. she is a teen and she is gonna experiment, trust me you woudl rather her do it now, than to go off to college and do it, cuz then your not around and it can get much worse. just try to be as understanding as possible and try to be there for her as much as you can. If it concerns you that much, when he drops her off talk to them both next time, dont act mad but ask if they were smoking and express your concerns on you perfer if he didn't drive while under the influence. they will respect you more for that then if you blow up and act out of control. [i'm 22 and have done it all before.]
    kduffy

    Answer by kduffy at 12:27 AM on Nov. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.