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He doesn't want me to move with our 17 month old...what do I do?

I want to move about an hour away, to start a new life with my 17 month old daughter. I'm on the waiting list for housing (I am disabled, and qualify for public housing because of my income). But her dad doesn't want us to go. He says that he won't be able to see her as often, but he doesn't see her that often NOW (and we live 20 minutes from each other). He is also still in love with me and thinks that we can make our relationship work again, but I know it won't. We are just too different.

What would YOU do? I'm not trying to take the baby away from her dad. I agreed that every other weekend, she and I would travel to see him, and on the other weekends, he can travel to see us (he has a car, but the baby and I would take Amtrak).

Just to clarify, I am not leaving the state. I'm just moving to a different city that is about an hour away. I live in New York State.

Also, we have no formal custody arrangements.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Nov. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You need to do what you need to do. The only thing that he can do is hire a lawyer to arrange formal custody agreement. In the process child support will be ordered. Moving an hour away in no way will cause any type of estrangement. If he wants to be in her life, then he will be.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:41 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • He's proven that he's not really into seeing her often so I'd go. First priority should be you and your child, not him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:13 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I think its a good idea... and you have definately been considerate about his visitation rights. I say do it.. it will also show him that you're serious about not getting back together.

    Like you said its only an hour away and he has a car... i think its more about him wanting to keep you close then your daughter..sadly.

    Good luck!!

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:14 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I think that it's very important for a father to be involved in their daughters life and by moving farther away it's going to make it more difficult. However, I don't think you should have to put your life on hold for him to get a clue and be a better parent and be more involved.
    I would suggest have a more structured visitation plan so that he is involved and an active parent... if he can't commit to her then go ahead and move on... but if he is going to do his part and be a good parent then I don't think it's right to move and make it more difficult for him.

    Answer by AmiJanell at 12:22 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Well you have to go where you can provide the best for you and your child. But do they have any housing where you are at?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I don't think being different is a good enough reason to divorce or not be together. People can grow to have things in common.
    Anyways, an hour is not that far away really. Ppl commute that to work. And any good father would drive six hours every weekend to see their child let alone 1 hour.

    Answer by PsychologyMama at 12:56 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • do want is best for the child

    Answer by Laura_Cruz at 4:40 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I agree with psychologymom - I don't think an hour is that far away. I used to drive that far to work, and that's how far we live from my parents and my inlaws, and we see them a lot.

    I'd suggest getting some more formal visitation plan in writing, and keep a journal of the times he gets to see her (whether you go to him or he comes to you), so that it is laid out for any judge or mediator to see if it comes down to that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • You may want to consult a lawyer, and get a written order for custody and visitation and make sure that everything is ok before moving. I do not think an hour is too far away, and it sounds like you are willing to transport your child to see him, so you are definately not 'keeping' her from him. Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 10:04 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Legally, he can't stop you.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:13 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

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