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Do you think your own child neglect/abuse contributed to your feelings of worthlessness that led to you giving up your baby?

As I enter middle age, the feelings and memories of how bad it really was are hitting me. Speaking with my brother, is making it all so real and how bad it really was. Do you think this led to me feeling so helpless, and following what they said? To "saving" her? To my continued self-hatred? Or is all really just an excuse? Please...if you can.... honesty without destruction.

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Asked by stillamom1213 at 1:29 AM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (4)
  • STILLAMOM, This is a question, that will most doubtedly be as individualistic, as the person whom replies, themselves. I was abused most times a few times a week, growing up, until the age of 14(only by my Mother, whom along with me had 9 other children) out of all my siblings, I was the only one physically abused. (Mental is just as harmful!) I have always said, I drank more blood than O.J.,growing up! However, at the ripe old age of 6, I KNEW, I would have children, and be the Mommy I always WANTED, & NEEDED...therefor, I chose the sronger choice. One whom is abused, has only 2 choices, to repeat, the abuse...or become strong enough to KNOW, that you could NEVER inflict that pain on a child...I am one of the most understanding(generational) parents, in my family, and my son will tell, you I have been a great Mother:) So, I had no feelings of "worthlessness' just the opposite, Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:00 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Stillamom, I haven't experienced the things that you have, but do know that all of us have coping mechanisms (fight or flight). Some are "fighters', and some are "flighters", depending on the kinds of "stresses" we are dealing with. If you felt that you were unable to protect yourself from abuse/neglect, then it's not a huge stretch for me to imagine that you could have believed that placing your child was the only way to protect her from what you endured and were unable to stop. Also, the pregnancy itself could have brought on so many doubts and insecurities about your own future, not to mention the future of your child. I don't have the answers that you are seeking, but it sounds as though you might be on to some yourself.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:50 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • YES. and if I had known could have been prepared. My depression made me feel worthless. I was NOT but found out too late. Now I try to help Adoptees that are now being kick out by A/P, a grown women and another Adoptee crying for their real mothers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I think it probably played some part for me. Not so much to save my child from possible abuse, I knew I would never have harmed my children. I'm not anything like my parents when it comes to raising my children (and I had my second child just 2 years after relinquishing my first).
    However I think the abuse in my life, lead to low self-esteem, it lead to a lack of confidence and believing I had any strength within myself, it caused me to be co-dependant, it caused me to believe I couldn't do things without help. It caused me to believe I need to hold to relationships with friends and boyfriends because they made me feel strong and the thought of loosing them scared the hell out of me.
    I believed them when they said I couldn't raise him, I was scared when I had no support because I didn't know how to do it by myself. I wanted him to have more than I believed I could have ever given.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:07 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

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