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Would you confront the other woman?

So I caught my hubby messaging to another woman he work with. She knows he's married and yet her messages are more sexual. His not so much but he encouraged those kind of messages. I already confronted him...he said nothing happened...they were all just messages. I want to call the other woman and ask if anything happened between them. A friend of mine said bad idea. I feel like I deserve to know. But then again I'm thinking will she even tell the truth?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I would probably not ask her what happened. But i would tell her that i know that something is going on. She might back down and leave your man alone if she knows that you're watching.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:21 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • i would def confront her and be like ummm WTH?? eventhough he did messg her too...its very disrespectful for her to do that when she KNOWS he is married.....
    lhernandez7208

    Answer by lhernandez7208 at 2:21 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Since this is a work situation, thre's additional difficulty. What position is she in relation to him? Are they equals or is one subordinate to the other?

    It can be handled as a sexual harassment case.

    I would not deal with HER. I'd deal with HR.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:23 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • gdiamante


    Since this is a work situation, thre's additional difficulty. What position is she in relation to him? Are they equals or is one subordinate to the other?


    I think they are equal. I doubt if it will be a sexual harrassment since it seems like my hubby encouraged it.  He didn't tell her to back off. He messaged her back.  He even teased about one of her sexual advance.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I would confront her and I would tell him that I'd leave if he didn't put a stop to it right then and there.
    trevsrockinmom

    Answer by trevsrockinmom at 2:33 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Honestly, as trashy as I think what she's doing is, the problem isn't her. It's your dh - HE is the one who took marriage vows to you, SHE doesn't owe you any loyalty. Now, don't get me wrong, I think what she's doing is WAY out of line, but I wouldn't confront her. If you do, I think in this case, it's only going to make things worse, because she's going to think either 1) that "you're so unreasonable, no wonder the poor man is interested in me", or 2) she's going to get this thrill out of it, and view it as a challenge, and she's going to make a point of "trying to take your man" as a sort of "peeing contest", if you know what I mean, or 3) she's going to think the only reason your dh stops this crap is because you're "making him" and she's not going to believe it's over.

    NOW - there are some things you can do...

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:46 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Cont -

    After you deal with him (depending on what you want to do about it, and assuming that you aren't leaving him over this), then HE needs to let her know, preferably where you can see it (to help re-establish the trust that he's damaged) something like "while it's been flattering having her chase after him, playtime is over and he thinks they need to drop it, because she's not worth his marriage, and he doesn't want to do anything to risk his relationship with you." She does NOT need to know that you know this.

    Then, your presence needs to be felt at his work... If he has a desk job, a picture of you (pref a really hot one, or one of the two of you, and also one of you guys with the kids...) You need to go with him to work parties, etc. Maybe, if it won't get him in trouble, drop by every now and then go go to lunch with him (of course, you're going to be looking your best).

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:51 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • cont

    Barely acknowledge her, but be totally classy when you do. Picture things like going in and saying something like "Oh Honey, are you ready for our lunch date? Lean over, give him this really sexy kiss, then glance over and say "Oh, hi, ____, I didn't even notice you there.... (sort of leave that sentence dangling), then look back at your dh, run your hand down his chest or across the back of his neck, and give him a sexy smile and say something like "I'll be waiting in the car when you're ready..... (while giving him a sexy smile), then give her another glance and walk yourself right out of there.

    This also works at holiday parties and etc - only instead of going to leave, say something like "Isn't that ___ over there, I haven't seen them in ages / didn't you want to introduce me to___", then say "If you'll excuse us......." as you walk away from her.

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:56 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I like sailorwife's suggestions. You can rise above it and be the sexy hot wife and not even give her the time of day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • OH HELL YEAH! If she knows he's married she has it coming!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

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