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Adoption "Baby Blues"??

Can you have the "baby blues" after adopting your baby? We've never experienced the life of a newborn, since our first was 10 months when we adopted him. I find myself not wanting to even get dressed, much less go anywhere. I don't know if it's my age now (40) in comparision to being only 32 when we got our first child or if it's the difference in their ages when we got them, or just the lack of sleep. We've gone from having an 8 yr old that is pretty independent to having a helpless newborn. We are so thankful for him and feel so blessed, but there are days that I think WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE WE DONE?!?! He's almost 4 months and I keep telling myself that it will get better, but when??? I feel guilty for even having these thoughts, but I can't help it! I've read that post-partum isn't just for natural mothers - dad's and adoptive parents can get it too - and that it's not just hormonal. Any suggestions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • It's called exhaustion!! lol
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:28 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • You need to talk to your doc, sounds like you have the baby blues to me, plus hello you are not 32 anymore, my DS was born when I was almost 39 and it does wear one out LOL, also perhaps new baby is fussier than previous kiddo? Good luck mommy and congrats on the new arrival!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:30 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • The lack of sleep, the pressure, the possibility that there might be some bonding issues since the baby was 10 months old can all trigger chemicals in the body that lead to clinical depression. While very similar to post-partum, because hormones and everything are involved, post-partum is different chemicals in the body from giving birth. Clinical depression is treatable, and will help you, baby, your older child, and your husband. Good luck, and congratulations!
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 11:08 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I agree that you are probably just exhausted and still adjusting. You didn't have the normal nine months to prepare for your new family member. I know that with us, both times, it was waiting for several years then a new baby within one to three weeks. Were you working outside the home before your new baby? This is a huge change. We also experienced having a four year old (things were getting easier to manage - keeping up with things that needed done around the house) to having a newborn. Give yourself a break! Adoptive moms are allowed to feel tired and overwhelmed, too. If you feel that you could benefit from talking to your dr. about an antidepressant, there is nothing wrong with that. Some of the new ones have fewer side effects and you may not need to take it for too long. Congratulations!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:24 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • post adoption depression is fairly well documented and a real deal
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Be careful about asking your doctor for an anti-depressant, as it can have an affect on your being qualified to adopt again. Sad, but true. I highly recommend St. John's Wort. It is nature's anti-depressant, and really works. I have taken it myself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • OP, please consult your Physician, especially BEFORE you take ANY supplements,(ie.-natural-St.Johns wart) perscribed. Even though I, too, feel many natural supplements are good in some cases, what you are describing..is clasic case of mild depression. This can be brought on, simply from change in sleeping habits, then causing change in eating habits, and then a dominoe effect of alot of other hidden symptons. I am NO doctor, but now that I am in my late 40's, and on Bio-identical hormone therapy, I can assure you that each and every thing I just mentioned, can and will effect you in many ways. Appetite, weight gain/loss, intimate relations/lack of sexual relations, energy level,mood swings etc. you, may be told it can be due to post-partum...but this is highly unlikely, since these hormones are activated during gestation periods, throughtout a pregnancy, therefore are not activiated without being pregnant. I hope you...
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 2:59 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • at the very least, for the sake of your BABY AND YOUR OLDER CHILD , consult with your physician ASAP. Your 4 month old can and will be able to pick up on your "depression/ sleep deprevation" and your child is/has had enough stress, just by going thorugh a 'bonding' phase, to connect to its new Mommy. At the very least a consult ,would do no harm. JMHO, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 3:03 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • The exhaustion along with the "release" of it (the adoption) being final may be attributing to your feeling "drained". Make sure that you get a nap and regenerize. Ask someone to help you out a couple of hours a week until you get into your groove again. Also, it WILL get better once the baby starts sleeping more. You've just "forgotten" how much babies require, 1000% of your attention, LOL!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:04 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • St. John's Wort can be very effective, but make sure to find out if it interacts with other medications you may be taking. We did a whole unit on herbal therapy in Pharmacology, and St. John's Wort does interact with many drugs. That could be a good solution, though.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 3:18 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

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