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Do you really stick with family no matter what?

My DH's Mom and her side of the family have no contact at all with my DH. With the exception if they need money for bail or money for a hotel room. When we first got together I felt like he should do everything he can to help them because after all they are family. Well, that has been a decade ago and over the years I have changed my views. Once we started having children and bought our house my Husband stopped giving them money. Our oldest is 9 and they have never laid eyes on him or his siblings, they don't even know their names! Due to him not giving them money they stopped calling. It has been years since he has seen them and they did not even bother to call him when his Grandfather passed away.
Well recently his sister has started calling and leaving messages because she needs money. He has not called her back (he works 24/7). She is calling more and more getting attitude up. I am ready to explode!
Cont'd

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • My dd's finance has a family like this. He would buy their love and give them the money and my dd moved in and put a stop to that. These people are not what I call family, they are bloodsuckers who only take. I'm with my dd, cut them off. Your dh is probably grateful to have your mom so he should look at it as life sent him a "mom" that does love him even if the birth mother doesn't know how to love the way he needs her to love him. She's not rejecting him, she's just not been taught how to love like most moms can. She's been taught how to use others. Sad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:51 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Well, in the order of things...family comes first when you are not married and have children. Once you are married, your spouse and children come before all other family members.

    It sounds like his family needs to grow up and take some responsibility for their own actions instead of relying on him to support them.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:34 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Why should we continue to support them and why should they expect for their little brother, son and nephew support them? Money is tight for us.
    Are we wrong, because they are after all family, but they are the ones who abandoned him. His Mom walked out on him when he was 10. Ugh, I hate what this is doing to him!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Your WIFE AND CHILDREN become your family once you marry. He should NOT feel guilty about not giving those money grubbing people money in hopes that they might wake up and give him some love. Forget it. You and your children are what should matter to him.
    SterlingLegend

    Answer by SterlingLegend at 10:39 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • OP- Thanks everybody. We both feel the same way but its tearing us up inside. We were both brought up to stick by family (his Fathers side raised him and they are wonderful people).
    It's just still hard for us. We know that they are ingrates and would probably take the money for drugs or liquor.
    I just hate the few times that they actually call him. I hate holding him while he cries wanting to know why his Mother doesn't love him. It kills my Mom. My Mom has taken him under her wing and she truly loves him like he is hers, but in the end we all know that he see's his Mom and her family passing on the road or in the store but they don't recognize him or talk to him. Oh and we have been married ten years and she thinks my name is Tracy, my name is NO WHERE close to Tracy. I think it's pathetic.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Easy. Have him answer the phone & ask her right out "why do you only call when you need money" He needs to tell her whats up, & he needs to tell her that he wil not support her. She needs to hear it for herself. Otherwise, she will keep trying. And every time she DOES try, he needs to say the same thing "why do you only call when you need money, you don't care for us..move on & leave us alone"
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:47 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I was going to say the same thing that samurai just said expect my phrase was "This is your brother you are calling not a bank. When did you ever do the emotional work to be a sister to expect to be able to hit him up for money like this?" He does need to tell her himself, but if he is at work and you are home when the phone is ringing you might as well give her the heads up rather than let the airbrained dig bat wonder why she is not getting money out of her favorite ATM.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I know its hard for your dh to go through this with his family. Luckily he has your mom to step up and be someone he can look up to as a mother figure in his life and most importantly, he has you... One thing that I've learned when dealing with family like his, you first must make peace with the whole situation in order for it not to get next to you when you finally tell them to back off the money train. Good luck and hope everything turns out ok for you guys.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:25 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

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