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How do i deal with obsessed bio-mom

Okay I'm new to this and have a situation that gets worse every year. Been with my husband now about 5yrs, dated 3yrs before marriage. He has 2 kids and his ex is in our life 24/7. She use to give him a calender of her schedule and pretty much wrote his life out for him. I had him put a stop to the calender after we got married but that didn't stop her from scheduling out our days. She pretty much tells him what to do with the kids, or calls him with a schedule. He gets to the point where he sneaks off to talk to her, I think he is doing it that now to avoid a fight with me. He needs to go something and tell her to back off. But thats not it. She bad mouths about me to the kids so that puts a wall up between us and they are spoiled brats cuz she gives them anything and everything they want. I have a son who is the same age as 1 of the step and they brag to him what they have. I tell my son that I don't buy his luv.

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crazstepmom

Asked by crazstepmom at 1:40 PM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Well, IMO, you don't. She and your husband will always have a relationship because of the kids. Exactly how/where that relationship lies is between the two of them. You said you "put a stop" to some of it after you were married, so that means you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. It doesn't sound like you've really put a stop to much, though, since he's sneaking around to still talk/meet with his ex.

    So... the way I see it - this is the way it was before you were married. If you didn't like it, you should've have married him. He's not going to change because you tell him to... he'll only do it if/when HE wants to.

    As far as she's concerned - they're her kids. How she raises them is her call.... and that includes voicing her opinion about people. Might not be very nice, but it's her call.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 1:50 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • It'd true she will always be in his life well at lest till 18 or 20 but maybe you should go with him every time he goes to see her! then she might get a little shy, you have to show her your in his life to! and your right there along for the ride pay attention to her ( it freaks girls out) keep eye contact but don't stare her down just enough to get the point that you are in the room to !! and you could tell the step kids that they can't bring their toys to your house cuzz its not far to your son..
    Zandrialeann

    Answer by Zandrialeann at 2:05 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • In order for it to stop, your dh has to put his foot down but its obvious (if he sneaking to talk to her) he refuses to do so. You have two options, you can either live with it, because she will be in your husbands life for the sake of their children or you can continue to beat a dead horse. Either way, he's accepting the behavior therefore its not all her fault!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:26 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Yes I know what she was like before I married him and yes I know she will always be a part of my life as long as I'm married to him, he doesn't sneak off to see her, we have the kids every other day and every other weekend. She makes him feel like he doesn't know how to be a father and he is the best dad that I know. Always there for his kids, thats one thing I love about him. I have tried to befriend her in so many ways, she just had to have it on her terms. I would love to get along with her, she is not my problem. My problem is what she tells the kids that puts a wall up between us. I have been with the kids since they were 2 and 4 they are now 11 and 13. I just want help to brake to wall so the kids and I can get close again.
    crazstepmom

    Answer by crazstepmom at 2:34 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Everytime she sends her schedule over to your home throw it away you don't need it why should your life revolve around hers you should go by the divorce decree. Let me tell you something it is not going to get better either, atleast for me it wasn't my dh and i would always agrue, finallly I told him don't let her run over you and you handle it and make it quick I don't want to be involved bc it puts me in a bad mood. I don't like talking to her bc I know she is fake about it. so I'd rather my dh handle it the best way he can with her and leave me out of it. Now I feel I can breathe alittle easier.
    Yea anytime we woman get involved with men with kids it's a vicious cycle (well dealing with their ex'es)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Look. Your dh has to(pardon me) grow a pair. He should speak to her when he picks them up. He then will take them home on?Sunday?
    That's it,unless there is an emergency somtime on your dh's visitation weekend. If she is harrassing then make an appointment w/a lawyer,I am serious,do it. If you and dh want to be able to stay married then you have to keep this woman at bay.GL;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I have learned alot when it comes to raising someone else's kids. I don't buy them anything anymore because it wasn't good enough. I hate that but its helping me be sain. I don't do their laundry anymore, my dh does it and that helps me. I do go to their activities, and avoid their mother, even though I can feel her stairing at me. You know I wish I could have a child with my dh but we are both fixed and my youngest is 12 and his is 11. I think that the ex wouldn't bother me as much if I had a connection to him as she does, does that make me jealous and shallow or what!!!! Anyway it is hard when the ex's won't connect with you when you are helping them take care of their children and loving them. I have a great relationship with my son's dad and my dh gets along with him great also, they go hunting with my son. Why can't it be that way with the mothers? Can anyone out there understand this??
    crazstepmom

    Answer by crazstepmom at 10:12 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

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