Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My ex has nothing to do with our kids; should I just let things be?

My ex-husband was abusive during our marriage and he used threats and emotional bullshit to take my kids from me - he legally has residential custody. He told me I wouldn't win a court case cuz I was living with my parents and there isn't a lot of room inside the house and told me if I fought him he's go for sole custody rather than shared custody. Now - over a year later - he and his cunt of a girlfriend were evicted from their apartment. At first his girlfriend stayed behind - she didn't want to leave her home state and be 220 miles away from her own kids, and during that time things were good. The kids live with me because he has no room for them at his folks and we got along. As soon as she came back he started picking fights with me and stopped calling. He insisted when he moved back that he get the kids every weekend - he had them one night last week and this week not at all. He hasn't called in a full week now.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • So he has custody but you have the kids?

    Answer by smarie1011 at 2:14 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Except for going to court to try to get full custody and child support. You should just leave the rest alone. Unless you want him to take the kids, when he is suppose to. Then bring it up in court when you go.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I've tried sending him IM's and e-mails and he no longer has a cell phone and no one answers at his parents house - I've gotten no reponses from him. Although he is on my friend's list on Facebook and through that I've found out that he had the time to go to Salem, MA and visit the Witch Museum with that bitch even though he's not supposed to leave that state - yea part of why they got evicted from their apartment in NJ was because after his last court date they told him he was not allowed to leave Connecticut until at least Dec. 11th when most likely his case will be dismissed. He also went back to NJ a couple weeks ago to pick up the bitch when she finally decided to come up here and ruin everything! I don't know why she had to give up on her kids - her ex had it included in their divorce that if she does not have a proper place to live she isn't allowed to see her kids. My ex told me if I went to court to file a modication

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I would get the custody changed since he's now living in hard times and make sure that you document EVERYTHING that has transpired since the kids have lived with you...Secondly, since he was an abusive husband, why would you want the kids around him?

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:17 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • he told me if I filed a modification that he'd take the kids and have them live with him until a court decides - of course if he does that I'll call DCF and they see that there is 7 adults, two toddlers and a baby sharing a 3 bedroom house and when they see that none of the kids have a proper place to sleep and that my ex will be pulling our 5 year old out of school, yet again, he'll lose them all. I'm even slightly worried because his baby is about to be a year old and he hasn't called to include our two girls in a party of any kind.
    - to answer mom2mybabes: He was only abusive to me - he was great with the kids until he met his girlfriend and I didn't realize how emotionally abusive he was to them until recently. He and his girlfriend both talk shit about me to my kids and he'll tell our kids to say very hurtful things to me because he knows it hurts more coming from do I document that?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • You document every word that has been go and get an attorney and fight for your children. Your children deserve to be in a loving household where there's a responsible parent taking care of them. Do not allow his threats to scare you. If he lived in such great conditions the kids would live with him. What you have to realize is an abuser will keep abusing you until you put your foot down. Its time to put your foot down for the sake of your children. if you're the one providing a roof over your children's heads while dad is is living somewhere else, then a change in custody is what's needed. Unless you want the kids to go back with him. If not, then its time you begin the process. You can contact an attorney in your state that will give you the best advice on this matter. GL

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • He's an emotionally abusive jerk that uses threats to manipulate you and control you. He can't take the kids for the reasons he's said. The court isn't stupid. Get full custody and make him pay what he should in child support. I would not force the kids to go see him. Goodness knows how they treat the kids when no one is looking.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:48 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I wouldnt pester him about his plans to get the kids at all. Just let it be and let him call you. Im sure it is hard on the kids but just wait it out and see if he calls you to come and get them. Tell the kids everything is up in the air right now and you havent heard from him but when he calls they will get to see him.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.