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Like her but not her kid?

Hi. I have a friend who has a child my son's age. My child is an only as is hers so I wanted to get the boys together some times to hang out and play. That way she and I could also catch up as we are both really busy. I really like her but I have decided I don't really like her child. My son doesn't seem to either. I have tried to get together with them a few times to see if it can work out but each time it doesn't. Her son is very boisterous, pushy, and kind of mean. My son seems to avoid him. I have seen my son act this way before around another child whose behavior is also hard to tolerate while he gravitates toward other children who are friendly and easy to be with. My son is very sweet, friendly and loving. However, when he is with this other child he starts copying unwanted behaviors that I have to later distinguish.

Has anyone been through this? How did you handle it?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (9)
  • If you can't be around her kid, I would think it better if you didn't get together as much or only on a "girls night out" basis, where you would both get babysitters.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Avoid her like the plague! I know it sounds cold, but there's going to be no other way around it. You either have this lady as your friend and make your son miserable or just break all ties. Good luck

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:25 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • Oops! I meant "extinguish" not "distinguish". (Had to repost this anonymously.)

    I know, I guess I should. It's sad b/c I really like her and because of my work schedule, I have a hard time meeting new people and making friends. I have really tried but it seems like her son is not getting better in terms of his behavior.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I wouldn't have my child around hers anymore. If you truly want to be her friend, you can and not inflict her son on yours. He sounds like a bully and I wouldn't want a child like that around mine. I have had to deal with that before, one of DH's friends has a son who behaves like what you are describing and worse. Their house is one place we don't go anyway.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I have been there, totally. You have two choices. See her only for coffee/drinks and dodge questions about getting the kids together or back off and quit being friends. There isn't another way. Unless you balls out tell her the truth: that her son is difficult and you have to deprogram your child/your child is uncomfy w/ her child. And let's face it, I doubt you want to do that. I had the husband of a friend really push me once on this and I had to tell the truth. Now, we don't speak. Ah well, I figure it's a blessing.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:00 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • sadly those friendships tend to fizzle out. It seemed to me that when u have 2 kids that are both the oldest and possibly only children they tend not to click. That was my experience w/ my oldest son when he was younger.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • yep... been there done that. I only made plans with her when the kids were in pre-school or school. If she wanted to get together with the kids I was 'not avaialbe'.

    Did this with two different friends. One I lost touch with and good thing too because her daughter is now a teenage slut (mine is not). The other.... well her daughter mellowed out and now is simply a wonderful gal and both my daughter and her daughter get along great and we now do things all togetjher.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • yep. those friendships end pretty quick no matter what you do to try and make it work.

    had a friend, our kids despised each other (hers were stark raving BRATS) - mine aren't much better sometimes but they tried.

    we did nights out, movies, coffee, running....but it still didn't work. she recently dumped me because my kids never gave hers a chance (she's off in her own little wonderful world)

    I'd just end it. or stay acquiantances

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • So, I had one person tell me I am being judgmental and to stop judging her and if I can't don't be friends with her.

    I have also been told to teach him how to deal with the other child's behavior.

    This is my first child and what I really want to do is only have him associate with good influences. He's only 2. I know that he will have to deal with all kinds of people in life in general but I just want to do my best by him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

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