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Taking away a project?

My 15 year old has had a history project for almost 2 weeks now (due tomorrow), and she is only 1/3 of the way done. She lied to us & told us that she was almost done so she could go to see her BFF & BF this past weekend (DH & I stupidly believed her without checking her work). There is *absolutely no reason* why she should not be done with it by now. She has a history of procrastinating on other projects & homework as well.
SO... DH & I decided that we are taking up her project at her bedtime so she can't finish after she is supposed to be asleep. I hate to do it, but IDK how else to get her to learn. We have taken away her privleges, & tried to help her manage her time. We don't know what else to do to get through to her. Forcing her to stay up & finish wouldn't be punishment because she is a night person, so that's basically giving her what she wants.
She is also losing her phone privlege for a week for lying.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Nov. 23, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think you are doing the right thing the logical consequence is that she has to turn it in not done and get a bad grade.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • You say she is a night person. So am I. I know when I was her age, I used to stay up and do homework. It was quiet and I could turn on my music and think.
    Taking away her opportunity to finish is probably not a good "punishment". She should be punished for lying, but not allowing her to finish her project in time would be counter-productive.

    Tell her she is grounded for two weeks from seeing her BFF and BF after school.

    Answer by 07upsydaisy at 11:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • well i dont understand, if shes a night person & wants to do her project at night, whats the big deal? i understand that shes only 15, but at the same time, she is 15. its not like shes 8 and you guys need to tuck her in at night and make sure she gets enough sleep. im in college, & i have lots of papers, projects & homework to do, and i often finish them the day before or the day that they are due. it doesnt matter as long as i get them in when there do. i dont understand why you would keep her project from her so that she cant finish either. that makes no sense? your going to hurt her school grades. why would you do that? i just think your overreacting alittle bit. she has responsibilities and you should be upset if she doesnt do them, but i dont really think you need to tell her exactly how or when to do them as long as she does them.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:33 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • and as for losing her phone priveleges for lying, she probably had to lie because your on her ass so much. no offense or anything, im just giving you my opinion.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:33 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • I think you are overreacting. I was the same way as a teen. I never started a project until the night before and I was routinely up late doing homework. I was a B student without trying and the only reason it was a B is because I was awful at math.

    The best way to teach her responsibility is to not do anything and make her face the consequences of her actions. IF she stays up, she falls asleep the next day in class and gets a detention. Or she gets a low grade on her project if she doesn't put the time into it. You are showing her that you will always run after her and "remind her" of what she needs done. You have to allow them to fall and scrape their "knee' sometimes.

    Answer by Lesli at 11:40 PM on Nov. 23, 2009

  • (OP here)
    Yea, we are "on her ass" a lot, and I'm not sorry one bit. It's called being a parent.
    She has lied to us many times in the past to the point where she was failing several subjects. She would talk on the phone/ watch tv/ play PS2 & ignore all her homework- while lying to us & telling us she didn't have any. Her grades have come up since we have gotten involved, so I KNOW we are doing something right.
    As for her "just being 15", she is different from other 15 year olds. She has PTSD & an emotional/ social age of about a 10 year old due to abuse & neglect from her biomom. So it's more like dealing with a child than a teen. I think a lot of it has to do with her biomom- she had no structure & no parental anything there. The last year has been an adjustment, to say the least.
    And she can't see her BF & BFF after school because they live in a different town. And they don't give detention for falling asleep in class.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I would ground her from seeing her friends, from the phone, etc. but I wouldn't ever ground one of my children from finishing school work. That hurts them in ways that can cause long term effects, especially if the grade is a large portion of the grade for the class. It's not like she didn't know she'd get it done, she knew she'd be able to do it on her schedule. If my sons want to be last minute, stay up late and be exhausted the next night AND be grounded from whatever it was that they did to BE last minute then that is their choice. But, I won't let them fail a class because I grounded them from finishing their work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • OP if she lies to you often about being done with school work then I would say that you need to be on her ass a little more and make sure her work is done before she does anything. THAT'S where you slipped in the first place. So, take SOME responsibility. If you know she lies, if you know she's a little sneaky about these things then you should be more in her business and be a fun sucker from the get go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I would not prevent her from completing the project.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:00 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • It is wrong to take her project away from her. Why would you want her to fail? Let her stay up and work on her project. When she is tired in the morning, she goes to school tired. I would NEVER stop my child from completing a project no matter why she didn't do it in a timely matter. She is old enough to stay up all night to finish the project and suffer in the morning.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:39 PM on Nov. 24, 2009