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My baby's daddy is a jerk.

we are young parents (both 18), living with my parents. he doesnt respect them or my sister, or me. anytime i ask him to do anything, he complains. he only does what i ask maybe 40% of the time. this includes things involving our baby girl. to make matters worse, he lost his job a month ago (and i dont have one) he has barely (and i mean barely even barely) looked for a new one. filled maybe 3 applications, never called them. he just lays around all day playing video games or watching tv. our savings were slim to begin with, and now we are digging into it. and anytime i tell him to go find a job, he gets pissed at me. he acts like he shouldnt HAVE to have a job, or he is going to let a job find him. he is turning into a deadbeat dad! i dont want to leave him and i dont want anyone to tell me to. its complicated. what i really want from you is ways to get him to understand that he needs to change for all our lives to get better

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:58 AM on Nov. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • He should not have to be told to man up and have a job. Nor should he expect your family to support him. You say you don't want to leave him and that is your choice as you are the one with him, not me. But quite frankly, your parents should kick his azz out and let him find out that he needs to make his own way. He is only 4 years older then my son and it would be a cold day in hell before I would allow this in my own home. My house my rules, period. But good luck, I think you will ned it.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 2:03 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • What you are seeing in him is a flaw in his basic character. It's been there all along but you were too in love to see it. For some reason, it seems a woman's eyes are opened to these flaws once the baby is born. The truth is that you have no power to change him nor to make him see himself as he really is. He has to come to the point where he wants to be a different man if it is ever to happen. Probably the only way that will ever happen is if he is forced to have to stand on his own two feet. Right now, he doesn't have to do that. Your parents are providing him with food and shelter and entertainment, so he really doesn't have to work in order to live a pretty good life. If I were you, I would tell him that I would not live with a man who was unwilling to commit to anything, including finding a job and being a responsible father. Let him make the choice, and if he chooses to be lazy, at least you will have a home.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:08 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • you knew he was a jerk before you got pregnant. he hasn't changed and neither have you.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 7:48 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • He needs to understand that he has a baby and responsibilities- he has to get off his ass and provide for that child!! It is not your parents repsonsibility to support all of you! I think your parents need to give him an ultimatum-- tell him that they are not running a charity hotel for freeloaders, that he has XXX days to find a job and start paying his way (and pay for his child) or he is out the door. If I were you I would also consult a lawyer and start procedings for custody and child support. Then he can be made to step up and take financial responsibility for his child-- if he does not he can face jail time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • The fact that you aren't married speak volumes! If I was your mother he would be out on his ass. (Truth be told he never would have moved in.) And then he would be served with child support papers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Honestly you cant make him change,only yourself(if thats what you want)I certainly wouldnt deal with a man that laid around all day long.There is no way that I would be with a man that couldnt help support his family,thats pure laziness.Its one thing if he cant find a job or whatever,but some personal responsibility on his part is needed.Im sorry to say this,but I would end it until he decided to grow up.
    Nattiesmom9603

    Answer by Nattiesmom9603 at 9:33 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • You don't have to break up permanently but no way should he be allowed to lay about your parent's house! He is not the baby here. He isn't helping with the baby so he needs some tough love. Tell him to come back when he has his act together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Don't take the hostile older mamma's to heart. Young men need a kick in the pants sometimes and it isn't coming from your family. He will get out there and become a real man and he will always love you first. I know from experience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • some of the time having a child will make a person want to be "a better person." I can't see having someone in your life that is not willing to want to make things better especially for their child.. Yo can't change who a person really is, they have to want to change for themselves. And if a precious baby is not worth the change, I don't know what is.. You have all the options in the world at your feet. When you decide that you want to take on that step, you will see how things will change. It's time for you to step up to the plate and do what is right for you and that baby... And I believe you will do just fine. Let him handle him...(and not at your parent's house). And when the time is right, either he can fall in and do what needs to be done, or not. But if I was you, I would settle nor put up with it. My mother use to always tell me, "Don't let anyone decide how your day is going to be."(choose your own mind set)Good luck!
    BaShonda32

    Answer by BaShonda32 at 10:03 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • You can't make people change. You're grasping at straws right now hoping you can turn him into the man you want him to be...it's not going to happen. You made a mistake when you tayed with him. You made an even bigger mistake when you had a baby with him. Now it's time to grow up really fast and be a good mom. You are giong to have to move on without this guy. He will never be who you want him to be and every day you spend with him is a day wasted.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 10:26 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

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