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Kids come back from their dad's and tell me....

My kids father and grandma(ex monster in law) told my 3 that on June 10 they are all going to Florida. He never even called to discuss this with me! Or ask for my permission to take them. Now, I am the bad person if I don't allow it. That is their last day of school. When I asked him, he told me it's none of my business what they do when they are with him! Any advice?

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Asked by My3RaysofSun at 9:35 AM on Nov. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (36 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Well he does need to tell you if he is taking them out of state, check with your divorce agreement. But if he has the kids then he doesn't need permission

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:37 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I would pissed off!!! I would tell he he's not going to take them unless u ask me (u) me first and that's that

    Answer by enaNianza at 9:39 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Yikes, but I guess you have to let them go or your going to look like a B--that might have been the intention all along, wouldn't it suprise them if you said, oh gosh have a great time, I think they want you to be upset, don't fall into their game! I am pretty sure that in order for him to take them out of state, he needs your permission, check your divorce documents to be sure! I think if you don't let them go, it is going to add more fuel to his fire, and if you act like it is no biggie, he will feel very unsatisfied that he didn't get a rise out of you, pretty sure thats why he told the kiddos first, make you stew for the next 6 months! Don't give him what he wants!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:42 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • As irritating as that is I would tell him that you prefer not to hear stuff like that from the kids and to please notify you of the plans first. Other thatn that I would do nothing except be happy that your kids will have this great experience. They will have alot of fun. I think you have a right o know this, but I dont think hereally needs permission since its his time with the kids.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:46 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • But it's not his time. I have primary physical placement. He gets them every weekend! We had pro-se divorce so there's really no "specific" rule that states what would happen if he just took them out of state.

    Answer by My3RaysofSun at 9:50 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • When it comes to your son, communication should always be open! I think you guys should do family counseling, to help with your situation and any that come up in the future.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 9:50 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • it sounds like a vacation. however it is your business your their mother. he does have to discus these things with you. whether he likes it or not. that is what joint custody. shared decisions. and also majority of divorce and custody decrees state that the visitation can NOT effect school attendance, dr appointments ect. if you trust him to take them that is fine. but he does need to discuss this with you. and with it being in June he may still be trying to figure out how to set it up and maybe he would have talked to you when he knew for sure everything else would be taken care of. instead of discussing it with you and then the plans falling thru. i now how you feel. but at least he wants to spend time with the kids. my ex husband has become nothing more than a sperm doner. he in two years has visited 2 times. and almost never calls. he has never even been here for any of my sons b days and he is two now. hope this helped.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • You should love your kids more than you hate your ex. Going to Florida with their dad is not going to hurt you in any way. Your kids will have fun with their dad. Let him know you would appreciate him telling you about it next time and don't make it a big deal. You and the father broke up the kids home you don't need to ruin their childhood with childish bickering.

    I bite my tongue often for my kids. I don't like my ex but he is good to my kids and we both love them. I don't always agree with him but as long as the kids are safe I bite my tongue. He is taking our three kids to Cabo San Lucas over Christmas break. Was hard on me but my kids are thrilled to go. My new husband and I will hang out with our newborn and miss the kids. I will be happy for them they will be with their father having a blast. I am a mom and it isn't about me it is about my children. If you live by that you will be much happier.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • If there's nothing in writing saying that he cannot take them out of state, then there's nothing you can do. Let them have fun. He's their dad, not just your ex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • pp :55 here....i also wanted to add. that yes he may be trying to get a rise out of you. or men sometimes just dont think. you follow your heart in what is best for your child...and remember when all else fail kill him with kindness. dont yell or does not good(been down that road) instead be nice and calmly discuss with him the decision. if he gets rude with you tell him when he is ready to discuss the matter in a civilized adult matter you will be willing to talk about it. if you have primary physical custody YOU get the final say in this. but be sure you discussion is based on you child's needs and not your feelings towards you ex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

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