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How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?

I have been seeing this guy for about 7 months now. Three weeks ago we finally started having sex. It has been nice, but not spectacular. It is very slow and soft and nice............but I want more passion! I want him to be aggressive! I want to know that he can not get enough of me! I want it to be hard and fast and rough! I don't mean anything crazy like choking me til I pass out or anything like that, but I can't keep having sex with him if it is always going to be like this! He told me months ago that he likes the "normal" stuff (whatever that means) so I'm concerned he might actually want to keep having this kind of sex all the time! He is fantastic in every other way and I do love him. I want to continue to be with him and I would like to continue having sex with him, but we NEED to spice things up a bit! How do I tell him what I need and want without hurting his feelings?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Nov. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • While yall are having sex, just move your hips faster. Or get on top and show him what you want. He will like it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Show him what you like. Get a men's magazine, read the letter to him and tell him you want to try "that"! I hope you can work it out, because I had that problem with my ex. He thought oral sex was "dirty". oh dear.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Well, first I'd ask him what he means by "normal". Then, I'd also just be honest with him, and tell him you like it a little rough sometimes, give him some examples of what you want. You don't have to say anything bad about the way it's been so far, or you could even say, "You know, the sex is great, but you know what I really want you to do to me? I am just so turned on by the thought of you (pulling my hair, spanking me, whatever)." That way, you're not saying anything bad about the sex so far, but you still get the point across for what you want him to do.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:06 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Rent a movie together, NOT porn but, a racy movie that you can think of. When a certain part comes on simply mention..."Oh that looks like fun." Be coy and go from there. Thats what I would do. Dont focus on what he is not doing, but focus on what you could be doing.....

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 12:24 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Just ask him "have you ever tried....(whatever you want him to do)?" Finding a guy like you are wanting isn't always easy. I had to "kiss a lot of frogs" before I found my rough sex prince. I told other guys but they had no clue. I even showed them, pushing them over and me getting on top and me being rough with them but they didn't follow my lead. Just tell the man what you want. It won't hurt him to tell him what excites you.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:35 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I am going through the same thing with my new husband. I kept hinting and then I flat out told him, but he insinuates that it's too early in the marriage to break out all of the "tricks" and alludes to the fact that he thinks he might scare me. I told him that anytime we had sex, we were making love because we love eachother, but that sometimes I just want to be F***ed! I make a big deal out of it when he does do it harder and deeper so hopefully things will change soon. Keep us updated! I might learn something!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

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