Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

U wont believe what DH said to me lastnight!!

recently Dh & i have had the discussion of having another baby. Our DD will be 3 in march. Im a SAHM and I have been looking for a job since july when I graduated undergrad. About 3 weeks ago we decided to have another baby then pick up with the job search afterwards. lastnight we were in bed and Dh started talking about money and other stuff, then he said "i think you should get a job so it can take the load off me". I just looked at him crazy. FYI Dh has 2 well paying jobs, we are not struggling at all. I didnt understand where that came from so I just said OK and rolled over. We were so excited and happy, ready to start the beginning of the year, and then that. Ill admit I was a lil hurt and disappointed but really confused too. so this morning he asked where I was going and I said to the unemployment office to search for jobs, then he had a dumb look on his face. Am I missing something, or does he have a point?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Nov. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Maybe he had a bad day, and was talking out of stress. Or maybe he is truly ready for a break but didnt expect you to be so willing so quickly. I would think if you guys planned on another baby then he shouldnt have asked you to go back to work?! i dont know, im a little confused by it myself. Kinda sounds like he wants you to work until you get prego again. Maybe help save some so he wont feel so stressed out!! good luck...until you guys figure this out i would definitely put another baby on hold!

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 12:42 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • If you two made the decision as a couple that you were going to be a SAHM and him work two jobs to support the family then I don't see where he can really complain. Maybe he is just tired of going to work everyday and needs to take some vacation time to recharge. I am a SAHM mom too and I know that we don't get vacations very often either so maybe it would be good to have some time off together. You really need to sit down and talk to him and ask if he wants to have another baby or if he wants you to work.

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 12:45 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Im not sure but maybe he is worn out by working 2 jobs. It may have just been his nice way of saying he is stressed and tired and wants you to contribute to the family finances. I think after you cool down you hshould ask him what the plan is...does he want you guys to try for another baby? Does he want you to work for a year or 2? He may not have presented it well or explained himself welll but it doesnt sound like he was jerk, just wishy washy in hwat your plans are. Sounds like he changed his mind and he is overwhelmed with being the sole bread winner.

    Answer by ria7 at 12:47 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • If you working would take a load of stess off of him then why not? It sounds as if that is what he wants. It has to be hard for him to work 2 jobs so I think you should get a job. I would never let my fiance work 2 jobs because I know how bad that sucks. I work so that he doesn't have to do that. I would try to work until you have the baby and then maybe wait 6 months and go back to work. Sounds like he needs a break.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 12:49 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Oh my. What it sounds like to me is that he may have been talking in his sleep or even almost-sleep. Stay calm and talk about this again when he gets home. He may not have even realized what he was saying.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:49 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • UH, working 2 jobs is probably a lot................but its a lose lose situation, since your child is small, unless you have someone to care of them you will have to have opposite shifts and never see eachother, but if he is working 2 jobs you probably never see each other anyway. *shrug* Also, if he is HAVING to work 2 jobs, why would you want to have another baby right now? =\ I don't mean to offend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Does he NEED to work 2 jobs so you won't struggle? To me, that means you are struggling, that's why he is working 2 jobs. I think he is feeling worn out. I think it is a good idea to put off having another baby right now and maybe finding a job so he won't have to work 2. Does he get to spend any time at all with your child? Maybe he wants more quality time with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Why wouldn't you get a job? I know tons of women who work while pregnant, also it could take a year or more for that to even happen. I would think you'd want to contribute some. I could never be dependant on DH alone, I like to have my own money and my own things. I like knowing that I pay for half our house and half our bills. We are partners, he's not my caregiver.

    Answer by michelle2414 at 1:08 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • OP here: DH worked 2 jobs before we got married and before I even met him. He choose to work 2 jobs because of the health benefits with one. He told me that even if I got a job he wasnt sure if he would let one of the jobs go right away. No he dosent NEED to work 2 jobs, and personally I think we are find if he only worked his full time job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • OP here again: I am in grad school online, the plan was to have the baby while Im still in school, by the time the baby was to be born I will be graduating grad skool, thats why I wasnt gonna get a job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.