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How to handle family "DRAMA"?

I have two siblings, we all have children over the age of 18. My children and my one sibling's children are, or will soon be, college graduates. The other sibling's children are high school and/or college dropouts, unemployed and unwed mothers. Our mother was informed the "dropouts" won't be coming for Thanksgiving because they feel "uncomfortable" around their successful cousins. Our mother is upset, but I'm just pissed. How do you think I should feel about this or handle this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Nov. 24, 2009 in Holidays

Answers (41)
  • Omg, The way you are talking about it. I can see why they are uncomfortable.

    Family is family, and I accept them anyway.

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:12 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Your feelings are never right or wrong. They just ARE. It's what you DO with them that matters.

    Would the "dropouts" be amenable to a phone call reassuring them that all anyone cares about is seeing them over the holiday? Do they have REASON to believe that there would be problems beyond their own feelings if they showed up? Is there a possibility that there would be MORE drama if everyone was put in the same room together?

    What is the path to the MOST enjoyable holiday? That's the one you need to take.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:14 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • They're all cousins. If your kids are making them feel less, perhaps you outta slap the stupid out of your kids.

    Answer by EireLass at 2:14 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • My daughter is just a baby, so as far as being a mom, I don't know. But I have a brother who is the same way. He and his wife are always moving in and out of his in laws house, getting evicted and trying to borrow money, not cause times are rough, but because they are lazy. Me and my other 2 brothers and sister are on the total opposite end of the spectrum, but we try to just not let his "issues" get in the way and remember that he is our brother. Hopefully they can get past it and realize that their issues are their issues. I wouldn't be pissed, I would be proud that I have smart, strong kids. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • We do accept them and have never intentionally made them feel unwelcomed. Their children are beautiful and we love having them around. How else would I have described what was going on to make people understand the question?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • It is there problem not yours - you have the right to be proud of your kids and their accomplishment. Good Job. If they are uncomfortable then they should do something about it not you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Eirelass.........

    They aren't making fun of them or telling them they are worthless if that is what you mean. But are my children and the other cousins suppose to never talk about their college courses or their upcoming graduation or their new job just so someone doesn't feel "less".

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • The only way to handle these situations is to invite everyone and leave the decisions whether or not to come up to the individuals. Successful people who have worked hard for their success have also earned the right to be proud of their accomplishments--proud but not arrogant. I suspect there is a little jealousy on the part of the less successful members of the family, but they can still change that if they so choose. So invite everyone. Let those come who choose to, and let the others stay away. None of this responsibility should be layed on the ones who have achieved success. Neither should your mother allow herself to be upset by any of it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:26 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • From the terminology describing the cousins it's obvious they likely weren't made to feel welcome. I fail to see why it's anyone business that they dropped out of high school or college or that they are unwed mothers. Once again it's proven that a college education and someone being "successful" doesn't mean one has class or sophistication or apparently even compassion. I suspect the real problem is they were made to feel like they weren't wanted by those who have decided to deem themselves successful. The truth is they probably won't come no matter what spin is put on the situation. Best to just let it go. This way no one has to associate with those who are beneath them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Anon 1:37.......From the terminology describing the cousins it's obvious they likely weren't made to feel welcome.

    How would you suggest I describe them in order to ask the question? Their lack of success has been their choice.  The reason I'm mad is the person they are hurting is their grandmother and she doesn't deserve it!



    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

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