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what does it mean when a man says'i don't want to be that guy' ?

my husband met up with an old friend that he had a crush on before we even met.she was in town visiting, and i had never met her.he met her somewhere with another friend of theirs,and i knew about that. a few days after that he said he was going to a movie after work by himself. but i found two tickets in his pocket when i was doing laundry.i know he went with her,but i don' t know why he lied to me about it. he said he lied cause knew i'd get jealous and mad. anyway, i know his myspace password (but he doesn't know)and i read some messages between him and this girl. he said something about 'i've leaned a lot and i don't want to be that guy.' what does that mean?does it mean that nothing happened, and he doesn't want it to?or that something did happen at the movies and he doesn't want it to happen again? i asked him about it and he said nothing happened between them,but if it was so innocent why did he lie about going alone?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Nov. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • op- he did tell me that when he met up with her he wasn't sure if he was still going to have feeling for her or not. and he said that after seeing her he knows he doesn't. but the fact that he wasn't sure if he had feeling for someone else really bothers me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Sheesh! You're snooping, and you're overthinking. If my husband got himself into a tizzy about things like this, I might keep them from him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I'm glad you guys can trust each other.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • he lies to u and u snoop behind his back like some overbearing mother. u 2 make a great couple

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • op- i wouldn't have snooped if he hadn' t started lying to me and going places with this girl and not telling me about it. i never had a reason to not trust him until this happened. he never lied to me about anything before this. we have been together for 7 years, so this is someone he liked when he was a lot younger. and the fact that he is still thinking of her and wondering if he sill has feelings for her after all this time bothers me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • Sorry you feel that way, but at least he's being honest with you about his feeling. best thing to do is to put yourself in his shoes. How would you have felt seeing an ol' crush and really not knowing? You may not have gone to the movies with him and told your husband some bs about going by yourself. But hopefully you too are able to learn from this and be more honest and open with eachother. It's not worth getting ugly about, especially since he's already told her he doesn't want to be that guy.

    Answer by SolizBeserra at 3:00 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • well i like to say you a really strong lady to let them meet up in the first place and not get upset. because to be honest with you i dont know if i could have done that. i be wondering why you wanna still see her, you not over her yet, what you still holding on too? i dont like the fact he felt he had to lie to you to go to the movies when you was okay with them meeting before there was no reason to lie..unless you trying to re unite in some way. i took the saying i am not that guy in the way like that had broke up over something she didnt like or agree with and she stated that is why she couldnt be with him and he was like i dont want to be that guy or he shared somethings about yall marriage to her and she was giving advice and he stated that to defend his actions with you. basically i think you should talk things over and maybe he shouldnt spend time alone with her without your presents until u feel you can trust him .

    Answer by texasdelta at 3:02 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • He could have meant anything by that... like I am not going to use you, I am not going to play games with you, I am not going to hurt you, I am not going to cheat on my wife, I am not the guy you knew a long time ago (if he was the reason for the break up... like cheating on her or breaking her heart)... that's what I get from "I have learned a lot and I don't want to be that guy."

    Good Luck.

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 3:09 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • op- they were never even together. he just liked her and said she never liked him back, only as a friend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

  • I have no idea.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Nov. 24, 2009

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