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Feel bad!! How can I make this better?

My hubby is white. I am black. His ex wife and my stepson make racist comments. Not always directed towards me but just in general. They really hurt my feelings. I can't understand why I have to deal with this. We can ignore the ex but when the stepson comes over I just make myself scarce. We just follow a visiting schedule. I know I have to follow it. He is a good kid, makes good grades but really has a horrible mouth. Makes rude comments about people of different races. I think it is rude. I his stepmom. He acts like he loves me....But then the hurtful comments. I told my Dh tonight I am tired. I also told him I really think in the long run I won't be able to be around his son. I am beginning not to like him much anymore. I have pt up with this for 5 years. He is 17! We have sent him to a counselor but it does not help. Is there anything I can do? I am always nice and do special things for him.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Nov. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • that is hard... even if you guys were the same race.. chances are he would be mean to you about something else. (just my guess) and itss not even that its about you personally .. but you are his moms replacement.. and im sure he resents you for it.
    cant his dad talk to him about it??
    that isnt fair to you.

    Answer by Tummysmomma at 1:40 AM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I know it is much easier said than done, but you are going to have to rise above all of his bulls***. He is still young. And just look at the mom who raised him, of course he is going to act this way. He learned from example.
    It seems like you are already doing this in front of him, but you have to let these hurtful comments roll off your back. If he sees that it affects you it will only give him ammo. Same with in private too, you can't let these things get to you. You are the adult and he is the kid with emotional problems. Like PP said, it is tough for a child (of any age) to accept that their parents have moved on from one another. You have replaced his mom and he doesn't want to be mature about it. It is possible that deep down (he will probably never admit to it) he is hoping to drive you away so his parents will have another shot at getting back together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I agree it is his dad who needs to step in (I know he probably has already). DH needs to tell his son it is unacceptable to treat his wife in such disrespect. And DH needs to enforce that whenever a nasty comment is made. Step-son is going to have to learn he cannot act that way and say such horrible things. There is a whole huge world out there that doesn't revolve around him. Using racism will not get him ahead in life, it will only make others look down on his ignorance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Nov. 25, 2009

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