When do you stop and begin to support?

Heather, I've been asking myself that same question and here's my answer. At the point in which it is TOO LATE to do anything else.

She also posted that she is more depressed than she thought she'd be, and that she had til Friday to change her mind. I have no vested interest in this adoption, but apparently you do, since the Amom is a friend of yours. Once it's over, all we can do is help her to pick up the pieces. But it's not over yet....

At what point do you stop criticizing & offer support.....

She is NOT being criticized. She IS being supported as a woman who JUST gave birth, and who still hasn't signed any papers. Your idea of support is "different".

OP here: Let me clarify, I am not friends with this Amom or Bmom, I doubt that Amom even knows what is going on.
This same scenario played out with a friend of mine and they have had an open adoption for the past 3 years. (however she received some of the same "warnings" from the same people and the APs have bent over backwards for her and her family).

I just think that there is a point when someone has made a decision that you stop trying to shove hypotheticals down her throat and support her. She gets it... you hate infant adoption and think she shouldn't do it, she probably picked up on that from the 200 original posts that told her that. Now to insult her intelligence by saying she is being duped etc etc is too much.

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/335501/I_put_my_baby_up_for_adoption_8_weeks_ago_and_now_I_cant_even_eat_Help

http://www.cafemom.com/group/4974/forums/read/10323354/Do_you_understand_or_am_I_crazy

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/320058/Anyone_here_a_birth_mother_Im_finding_it_hard_to_cope

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/259733/How_do_I_get_over_the_pain_of_missing_the_baby_I_placed_for_adoption_a_year_ago

 

 

Doodle, this is your quote:

"It's hard to see these and tell you that you will be fine and Kenzie Grace will be fine"

What possible right do you have to tell this woman that her child will NOT be fine, let alone that she wont be fine?  Yes, Ideally she was able to parent her child but for her reasons, she cant. Ideally, her child would have been raised by her mother but how can you tell her that her child wont be fine". There are bmoms who lived through adoption who didnt say something so callous, that is not support.

I don't hate infant adoption. I do not like when someone is being faced with being eternally separated from the baby that they just gave birth to is being "supported" by someone who has never separated herself from hers. As I said before, I really have given this a lot of thought, and have prayed for her well-being, and I have NO vested interest in whether she places her child or not. I simply could not live with myself IF the words that she needed to hear in the next 2 days were mine, and they were left unsaid. Will I be causing her additional grief now? Hopefully not, I'm sure she is grieving already. However, in THREE days, all of this will be a moot point, and THEN, if she has still placed this baby, you can rest assured that there will be no "I told you so's" but love and care and support, but at a point in which her decision is irreversible.

Have you met adopteeme? bellacocco's son? THERE ARE NO GUARANTEE'S. Even you yourself have no guarantee of tomorrow coming, much less how her child will be raised. If the PAP's are like you, then sure, she'll be "fine". But you say you don't know them. How can you be so sure? If, God forbid, something were to happen or the OA simply closed, would you feel "good" about all the support you have given, or would you wish that you had done something different? She's not your child. You don't have a say. You only have an opinion. Just like the rest of us.

I do not like when someone is being faced with being eternally separated from the baby that they just gave birth to is being "supported" by someone who has never separated herself from hers

AGREED... so why are you talking?.   

 

I do not like when someone is being faced with being eternally separated from the baby that they just gave birth to is being "supported" by someone who has never separated herself from hers

AGREED... so why are you talking?.  

Clarification: I do not like when someone is being faced with being eternally separated from the baby that they just gave birth to is being "supported" in eternally separating herself from the baby that she's just carried for 9 months and birthed by someone who has never separated herself from hers-REPHRASED.