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Why am I so insecure??

So, I have been married for 2 years now and in this relationship going on 8. We have always and still are very close. We are still and always have been very intimate. The only thing that has changed is we are now both working and going to school. Our time is less and less together. He rides to school with a girl he works with. She has a serious boyfriend. They talk to each other and sometimes she will text or call him about homework. I get so jealous. I start to wonder if something is going on BUT there are no signs of cheating. Why am I so insecure?? If you have any advice on this please help. I would appreciate anything!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Nov. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Spending time together with somebody else is the first thing that can contribute to an infidelity. Having said that, it doesn't mean that your husband will cheat on you. He could be an honorable man doing his very best to better himself and his current situation is that he benefits to achieve this goals by carpooling with this girl. If he hasn't given you any indication of something else going on, trust him. He needs your support as much as you need his. Talk with him and let him know that you love him, care for him and his efforts are appreciated. Man cheat not just for sexual desire, they sometimes do it because they seek a special connection with the other person. As long as you maintain that special bond and he is committed to you, you don't have to worry. This carpooling thing is temporary, you are permanent. Don't torture yourself thinking what ifs. He hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, so why start?

    Answer by bebita at 1:50 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Did something happen to you in a past relationship? Because for awhile with my hubby I was insecure because my ex fiance cheated on me and even told me about how good the girl was..something I did not care to hear. The best thing to do is talk to your hubby about it and tell him that you aren't accusing him of anything your just telling him how you feel

    Answer by kimosgirl08 at 1:53 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I don't think your insecure, this is just healthy jealousy. Its most likely unfounded but we all want to protect what we hold dear to us. Speaking from experience it really hurts to be wrongfully accused of infidelity. You feel like through no fault of your own you are untrustworthy and because you did nothing theres no way to fix it. There is nothing wrong with enjoying someones company. All you can do in a car is talk and you and her boyfriend are probably the topic of conversation.

    Answer by Farrahann at 2:31 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Several years ago the guy who wanted to marry me made a female friend at work that he talked alot about - they talked to each other all day long. The thing was, he invited her and her husband to a cookout with us - she was very in love with her husband, and both my bf and I had opposite sex friends. If you think getting to know the person would help you, then ask hubby to invite her over with her bf... no reason you can't all get to know each other. Is there a reason you are not sure about this... e.g. is there something in the past that happened with him or other clues that there is something going on that you are trying to convince yourself to get past? I trust my husband completely and am not typically a jealous person, but I found myself getting worried last year when he would tell me how the owner's wife (he worked with her) would tell him about her marital problems all the time, etc. I wouldn't worry...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:26 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • NOt to stir the pot, but sometimes we are suspicious for good reason. My ex cheated on me a lot and I was always suspicious of certain girls. After we broke up, I found out that my suspicions were right and he was cheating on me with some of these girls. A woman's intuition is a very powerful thing. I was never a jealous person unti that episode. In fact, I was a little too freewheeling with him. If I were you, I'd tell him how you feel and if he is a good husband he wil voluntarily stop taking calls from her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Thanks to all of you for all your helpful advice and comments. I am going to take all of your advice. I love this man and I'm going to let my jealousy push me away from him. In a previous relationship, I was taken advantage of and was cheated on all the time. This man I'm with now, treats me like a princess and I KNOW he loves me and is not cheating. Thank you all so much.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

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