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Anger issues from an ex-spouse

My xh was a real loser which is why I filed divorce after 9 years of marriage and 2 children. He realized what a jerk he was after our divorce, and ultimately placed blame on himself for several years. After 2 in a half years of him beating himself up over how horrible he treated me, he met a lady who became his girl friend now of 4 years. About 2 years into their relationship, he became so completely flipped around, that he now has huge anger issues with me, and every comment I make just to relay a message about our daughters, turns into angry comments back toward me. It's as if he is now "blaming" me for our divorce, and cannot talk peacefully to me for anything! I am obligated through the courts to communicate with him regarding school, vacations, doctor appt's, etc. Is there a trick I can use to not let him get to me, or to word my comments differently so I don't get angry comments back?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Nov. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • When he makes angry comments, tell him that if he doesn't stop you will hang up. Then when he keeps it up, you hang up. Document every phone conversation you have. Date, time and what happened. It sounds like the new gf is feeding him a line of bull and he is letting her control his feelings.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:59 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • In my husbands revised divorce agreement all communication has to happen between me and his ex-wives new husband. They too cannot talk without arguing therefor nothing ever gets said or settled for their kids. There's really no easy alternative besides counseling as a divorced family. Something that my husband did not opt for. He chooses not to get along with the ex.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • resentment is a horrible thing. it sounds like that's what he's suffering from. like tyfry7496 said, cut him off when he gets rude or out of line. some ppl just need that when they're not mature enough to do it on their own. just keep your boundaries and don't let him push you around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • What if the message is in a text?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I would just be sweet, his irrational anger will stand out more in contrast. You can record your conversations of you being sweet and him being an ass. Even if this doesn't get legal, if he hears himself as a bystander he might be ashamed of himself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I'd email him. That proves you relayed the message and don't have to deal with him

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:37 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I think I just care too much and don't understand why all the animosity? Wouldn't moving on with your life have the opposite affect on a person and why would he be holding so much anger this late in the game?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Sounds like my ex. Not sure why your exh has this issue. But, mine has the issue only when he's with another woman. He tells her all kinds of crap about me to make me look bad, so he looks like a winner. And then when he's nice to me she wants to know why he's so nice if I'm such a bitch to him. So, he yells at me and calls me names instead. The first time he raises his voice he gets hung up on. I explained to him years ago that I wouldn't deal with his anger when we were together and if he choose's to treat me that way now he'll have to deal with someone bigger than the both of us. Namely my DH!

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 9:12 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

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