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Help my 4yr old is terroizing the schoool!

She spits, bites, scratches, throws her shoes at the teachers, and does not listen to them. But she listens to me. How can I change her? It is sooo embarassing when she got suspended in Pre-k and how the teachers looks at me as if I am the problem. I cry about it because she doesnt do this with me-just with others. I blame myself thinking she is acting out because I divorced my abusive exhusband. Had I not left, I may not be here right now. Is God punishing me for leaving him by allowing my 4yr old daughter to terroize the city? Help

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Nov. 25, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • No one is punishing you. I am not a specialist, but I do not think this is your fault. In my opinion, you should take her to a specialist who would know what to do. I think this is all you can do right and the specialist will tell you what you should do.

    Answer by Kristinejs at 9:53 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Thanks! I thought about it and it just doesnt sit well with me to bring my 4yr old to a shrink! I was thinking about getting her involved with church functions. Who knows... because all the while she is with me, she is great! I do spank her when I get called to the school for her behavior so its not like I let her get away with it. Im just hoping these tantrums will soon end.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • She could be acting out as a reaction to the situation. She may need help dealing with the situation and her emotions. You should consider seeking the help of a Child Psychologist (completely different than a shrink; I saw one as a child after my parents divorce).

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Thanks

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I work at a preschool mom and we have a 4 year old boy who does these very things. His mother and father just separated too.

    It is NOT your fault for leaving your SO. You cant stay with an abuser for any reason.

    I agree with taking her to a counselor or physiologist to see about getting an answer. But in the mean time I would suggest to buy a notebook, ask the teacher to write down everything bad she does and good too. (the teacher doesnt have all day to do this...but just a quick jotted note down.) This notebook should go back and forth between teh two of you everyday.

    Show your daughter, read it to her she should be punished accordingly. The good behavior should be rewarded and praised highly.

    Let her know that you and her teacher are on the same page and that you support the teacher. So she sees the two of you in the same way. Does that make sense?

    I am a teacher by the way I have a BS in Early Childhood

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 10:34 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • the notebook is a good idea. most teachers at my school have some sort of daily behavior thing that goes home. can be as simple as a smiley face or frown. for kids that have more up and down behavior, you can do an hourly chart, or break it up into morning and afternoon... so the kid has a second chance. tell the teaches you will take away tv or do some other home punishment to show dd that you really do support them and communicate. child therapy could be really helpful. if your ex was abusive, could she have witnesses some of that? and it served as a model of a way you might act when angry,,, also abusive people tend to have more mental disorders that can cause mania, sybstance abuse or other effects. that is genetic. it could be something beyond her control- but that is something just to think about if all the other interventions dont work.


    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:45 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • Makes perfect sense! However, I feel like her teacher has given up on her due to my daughter being sooo disruptive. The teacher has an "Im done" attitude that had me debating about withdrawing my daughter. I'd just really hate to do that being we only have 61/2 months left. I will bring my concerns to the principal and teacher and see what we can do. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL! :-)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • If the teacher knows that you are doing all you can, and are on her side, then if she is a GOOD teacher she will never have an "Im done" attitude.

    Let her know that you are at a want to fix it.....Ask for suggestions on how to fix open to any idea.

    If she is still "done" then maybe there is another teacher willing to work with you.

    I know you are having a hard time, my dd has a hard time too and I am not thrilled with her teacher either ;) trying to make it

    Happy thanksgiving! ;)

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 10:57 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

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