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Does anyone here have a closer bond with one child than another or am I just a terrible mom?

I don't know what it is but it is very real and I cannot ignore the truth. My oldest is 3, and while I love her dearly and would die for her, I have a much deeper connection to my 1 year old. They come from different fathers, the father of the 1 year old I'm married to and my oldest thinks of him as her dad, her bio-dad abandoned her before she was born. We're also having our 2nd (my 3rd) in 2 months. I don't know if this is excusable or not, but just hours after I had my oldest she was taken from me to the nicu and I couldn't see her for 2 days because I was bed-ridden on an IV med for high blood pressure. When I got home with her 5 days later I slept a lot, hated getting up with her and suffered postpartum anxiety. After the birth of my 2nd, my bp was fine, she was in great health, stayed with me 24/7 in the hospital and our relationship is much stronger. Do I need help to gain a better connection with her?? :(


Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Nov. 25, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I do not think you are a bad mother. I think that skin to skin contact at birth has been proven to enhance the health (including mental health) of the baby and mother after birth and you were not given that.

    Try spending floor time with her. Take out all her electronic toys, puzzles and all the war toys and put them somewhere out of reach. Then with all the toys that are left, let her pick out one of her favorites and just sit on the floor with her and play. Try not to ask questions and try not to lead the play. Imitate her. Describe what she is doing. Don't try to teach her and avoid telling her what to do. Be sure to do this during your 1yr olds nap time and when you will not be disturbed.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 11:25 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • I think you need to find sometime for you and your oldest to get to know her on a deeper level.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Nov. 25, 2009

  • i agree with the 1st answer , however , dont feel bad cuz i think that ALL parents , somehow , favor one kid over the other .

    my parents loveee us all teh same , but they have a preference for my brother lol

    but that doesnt mean taht tehy are bad parents , or that they dont like us , etc

    that means they feel , a much bigger , stronger connection with him .

    but since we're talkin about lil ones here , i'd say da it was the skin to skin contact taht you didnt have with her , also the oportunities taht you were "denied" (in a good term) at the hospital , cuz of what you went tru those days after birth .

    spend time with her , just the two of you , and while doing it , try to forget the main reason of why you're doing it and enjoy ur tim with her , get to knwo her and little by little , you'll be conected with her in the way that you want to be

    Answer by happymom1988 at 12:39 AM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • I have a tendency to favor my youngest child. I don't do it on purpose - I love my oldest the exact same amount (if love could be measured, that is) but I tend to favor my youngest. She's just so small and little and she looks like me and is SO cute. My oldest is beautiful and SO smart.

    I think just make an effort to spend a little more time with your oldest. You shouldn't feel bad - just try to make the effort to spend some quality time with your oldest. If he/she is FEELING the favoritism or if you're 'meaner' to him/her then the other kid, I'd try to work on that. But otherwise, just a little more time spent with your oldest might help.

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 2:21 AM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Well, My grandmother favored my uncle more than mom and her sister. My great-aunt favors one son over her other. My aunt has 4 children and favors one son over the other 3. My uncles wife doted on her daughter and not her other 2 boys. ... I think it's natural. And when I was pregnant with #2 I wondered if I could ever love another baby the way I love my first born, and I do. One is 8 and the other is 2. Right now I have to say I don't favor either of them. My eldest is special needs and requires more of my time at times, but I enjoy them equally thus far.


    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:44 AM on Nov. 26, 2009