Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

why is he hiding me?

Well it's thanksgiving. . the biggest thing about holidays like this is that it is time for families to get togetherand spend time together. my family is not big oncelebrating holidays.. but they saidit'd be ok if i came over with the kids. the situation is that my bf and i live together..the 2kids are froma prev marriage and live with us.. and bf and i have a baby onthe way. but he never asks us to go with him when he does things with his family. im even 7 months pregnant and his familystill doesnt know!!! it hurts so bad that he never wants to involve me or the kids and he will not tell them about the baby yet. what would u do if ur bf always made u feel left out?

Answer Question
 
sunnymamma86

Asked by sunnymamma86 at 1:02 PM on Nov. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • 1st. -- I wouldn't be shacking up with some guy when there are kids involved. With kids from a previous marriage, you should not be living with a man you aren't married too.
    2nd -- You already have children with another man. It was a huge mistake to get pregnant again by a man that isn't even your husband and won't even bring you home on the holidays.
    3rd -- You know why he isn't bringing you home and why his family doesn't know about the baby. You are just trying to kid yourself that everything is ok. He's ashamed of you and your relationship and this whole situation is doomed to fail.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • I am trying to think of a nice way to brake this to you. Sorry to tell you this but let see if this help you a little bit. Think about your best friend telling you what you wrote but it is just happening to her. What would you tell her? You guys are living together but nothing that you described in there remotely resembles a family unit. He isn't that much into you or your unborn child. Unless he starts treating you better, I'll say you made poor choices because you got pregnant by a guy who doesn't even think enough of you to be introduced to his family, let alone have a family with you. And that is exactly what he is portraying. He is going to his family, you are not part of it, period.

    There is another possibility, that the guy is clueless. Ask him: Are we a family or are you playing house with me? Tell him it is time to meet your family, it is time for them to know that their grandchild is on his way.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 1:31 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Perhaps he is married.

    He got you pregnant and didnt ask you to marry him.... do you know why?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Uhm...I have a daughter from a previous relationship (she's 2) and I am now living with my boyfriend and we have a 5 month old son. Am I a bad person too anonymous?

    Anyway...Well, I don't know how long you guys have been together, but it sounds like you should have waited a little longer before you decided to get pregnant. Maybe you should have met his family before the fact. There could be so many reasons he doesn't want you to meet his family. He could have another girlfriend that his family knows about...it could be that his family are a bunch of jerks and he's ashamed of THEM. It could be so many things...talk to him about it!! It's the only way you'll get anywhere!!
    michellelee3708

    Answer by michellelee3708 at 1:36 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • How long is he going to wait to tell the family, when the child graduates college? I agree that it sounds like he's married. I think you should build your self esteem up and go visit his mom and dad and show them the surprise. If my child was having a child I'd want to know about it. He's cheating them out of planning for a grandchild. That's just wrong not to mention his disrespect for you and his child
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:10 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Well, with this dysfunctionial situation you describe, this loser you've gotten yourself involved with has alot of issues and so do you. Get out while the getting is good and don't look back. This is a mess of epic proportions that is destined to get a whole lot worse. If this crud won't man up and even tell his family that you're 7 months pregnant, what else is he hiding? That he's married? That he has another pregnant girlfriend somewhere? That he has other children running around that he hasn't even told you about?This sounds like an episode of "Jerry Springer"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • What is done is done, and you can't go back in time to make different choices now, that being said, maybe you should go to your family's house until he can decide if he wants to grow up or not, where is the first two kiddos dad at? He is playing at being a family without having to commit to you, and sweetie you are worth more than being someone's "play wife", roll on over to the family's house this afternoon, without your kids please,,,,maybe you could get to the bottom of what is going on, something doesn't smell right to me, I doubt he is married because he wouldn't live with you, but you need to find out where his head is so you can do what is best for your unborn (and born} kiddos, good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:17 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • "1st. -- I wouldn't be shacking up with some guy when there are kids involved. With kids from a previous marriage, you should not be living with a man you aren't married too.
    2nd -- You already have children with another man. It was a huge mistake to get pregnant again by a man that isn't even your husband and won't even bring you home on the holidays.
    3rd -- You know why he isn't bringing you home and why his family doesn't know about the baby. You are just trying to kid yourself that everything is ok. He's ashamed of you and your relationship and this whole situation is doomed to fail."



    Woah, woah, woah.... Maybe the guy is a big loser or has something to hide. Clearly there is an issue... but all that BS about not being married and living together and all,is just that - BS.
    disgustipated

    Answer by disgustipated at 3:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • He could still be married and living with her, just not divorced from his wife yet and obviously not in a hurry to do so. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free from both cows?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Just show up at his parents house and let them know who you are. If I had a grandbaby on the way I would want to know and I would be involved in helping the family out. AND I would probably give my son the "whatfor" for not telling us that he is about to be a Dad.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.