Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What parent wins?

In our hosue, no one drinks alcohol, ever. We just don't. Well at my in laws house they drink wine with everything (they do hubby and I do not). The past couple of times we've visited my in laws they've offered sips of wine to our daughter. Its really been pissing me off because I do not want her to drink, do not want her to think its ok, she can make the decision to drink or not when she is 21. Now my hubby says he doesn't care if she tries it. Who wins in this situation? We've talked about it and can not agree. My inlaws keep pressuring saying shes not just my child I have to say she can have some wine if her dad says she can. What do you do when you can not agree on a parenting decision?????

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Nov. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I wouldn't back down on this one.

    Answer by justluvinmyson at 10:36 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • My husband and I have an agreement that's worked pretty well for us over the yrs.

    We have a thing we call "Mommy Override" and "Daddy Override". Basically, if it's something we can't agree on and it's something that one or the other or both of us feel very strongly about, then we can use that. It means that whichever of us has the most "strict" take on it is the one we go with.

    HOWEVER, there's a catch to it - it's only as a last resort if we can't agree or compromise on something, and we can't just over use it to make sure that we always get our way, because parenting is about team work and compromise.

    I would suggest, before you do this (if you do) that you talk about why you feel the way you do, and why he feels the way he does and see if you can come to an understanding.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:43 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • I wouldn't back down on this one. cuz ur ils arent her parents and you dont have to listen to them on ho to raise your dd . they're the grandparents not the parents so tehy need to step back . tell them like it is and talk to your dh cuz drinking is a serious issue . it may start with a sip of wine , and later it can turn into somthing worst !

    Answer by happymom1988 at 11:02 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Isn't illegal to give minors alcohol? I would NOT back down.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • First of all, your inlaws should never give anything to your child without your permission. That is wrong of them to give the child alcohol for any reason, let alone without your consent. You are her parents and only you get to decide what she's given. Secondly, it's a hard situation to be in when you and hubbs don't agree on a matter regarding your child. I would say "Well, she's tried the wine, so she doesn't need anymore. I don't agree with her having any, and I've let it slip too many times before. I'm putting my foot down and saying that she isn't allowed to have any more." He thinks it's okay for her to try it, well she's tried it, so now it's time to put a stop to it. He should see things from your point of view now that your daughter has already tried it.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:14 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • Actually, in most States and in most countries, it's not illegal for a parent to allow their child to have alcohol. It's illegal to give it to other people's children. It also gets into issues, depending on the State and etc, if they're allowing the child to get drunk.

    The issue isn't with whether or not you let the child have any alcohol, the issue is you and your dh coming to an agreement on a parenting issue.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:29 PM on Nov. 26, 2009

  • This is a hard one, because it's your HUSBAND who you're really at odds with. The inlaws can shove off when it comes to your kids, but dad is a different story. What culture is your husband's family? IMO That can make a difference. I do not like alcohol but I sort of like the fact that in many countries it's part of family and culture, even children have a small bit of wine for certain celebrations etc The alcohol related issues in countries like these are significantly LOWER! If your husband's family is of such a culute, I think that maybe you should test it out. I know, it's alcohol, but it could help your daughter to learn the limits as many youths have. If your husbands family drinks just to drink, and they exhibit poor behavior as a result, I would stand your ground. If you have to, you could involve authorities.

    Answer by BaisMom at 12:26 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I guess to me it depends how old your kid is?

    Answer by mnt_2_b_mommy at 2:18 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I would tell them I would call the cops on them if they did it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • Don't back down!!! Giving achole to any one under the age of 21 is illegle!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.