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Daughter-in-law problems

My DIL and I had a great relationship until she had a baby 2 yrs ago and now she has a newborn. Her mother has been at her house constantly since the first born. Whenever I go to visit I feel like the

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Nov. 27, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (25)
  • sins?? these don't sound like sins to me unless i'm reading these wrong? and why not make eye contact? and I don't understand the whole walking in the other room with your infant grand daughter....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I have a strange DIL and we have figured out it works best if I communicate mostly with my son. Try talking to your son about how you feel. Tell him you would like to come over sometimes when the other grandmother isn't there. Invite them over to your house without the other grandmother.

    It's fun holding a baby but it can be hard for the mother. Sometimes it's better to not even ask and just wait for the baby to get older.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:08 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I have never forbidden my MIL to have contact with my children but I had a much better relationship with her before having children, having children messed up my hormones and I just couldn't stand the woman without her doing anything wrong. So your DIL may have some hormone issues that need fixing, talking to your son as you have is best and he needs to stand up to her, you have rights as a grandmother
    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 2:21 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I'm sorry :-( I don't think you did anything wrong at all! I can't help but wonder if maybe her mom is sort of feeding some thoughts into this... In a way to make sure you stay "the other grandma", by maybe leading her to believe that you'll try to take over or that you're going to "steal the baby's love" or some garbage like that.

    I would talk to your son. Honestly, a husband and wife should be a unit, but at the same time, they should be doing what's best for their family, and this doesn't sound healthy or normal.

    Maybe he could say something to her along the lines of he's really uncomfortable with the amount of time HIS mother in law is spending with HIS kids (she's as much a mil in this marriage as you are, and they are also his kids), so he doesn't want her there, holding HIS babies all the time, etc. Or that he insists that the babies have a chance to spend equal time with his side...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:42 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • wow. she sounds like she has some major control issues. i wish i had some advice for you but at a young lady with control issues myself (not that bad though!) all i can say is GOOD LUCK!!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:46 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • she does sound like she has control issues. i'm sorry youre going through this. I love my in laws, i see them as if they are my parents. i think you should talk to your son and maybe he can talk to her w/o mentioning that you asked him to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • Talk to your son. Have him deal with it. If you keep pushing she will only continue with the inappropriate behavior. Maybe talk to your son and have him make it possible for you to visit when the other grandparent isn't there. I don't mean only go with they aren't there, they aren't allowed there when you have set up a time to visit. This is so sad. Children need all of the loving people in their lives. The entire family, both sides, have so much to give. It sounds like something has happened or a misunderstanding has happened to create such a sad situation. Work with it with your son. Good Luck.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 5:18 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Your DIL sounds like a crazy bitch and needs to get slapped. Seriously, no eye contact and walking into another room with your grand daughter? WTF? Both sets of grandparents are equal when it comes to the grandchildren and you need to tell your DIL and your son together (without her meddling ass mother) that this rejection has got to stop and that your son's wife is being a crazy, unreasonable jack ass.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:35 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Weird, whats up with the no eye contact thing? That's REALLY weird! Could you try telling her how you feel? Do you think her mother is putting her up to some of this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • You should only go visit when your son is there. Never visit when when her mother is there. You would probably be better off having them at your place for the home court advantage. Good Luck. sounds tricky! Her no eye contact thing is very bad for the baby. This girls needs to take a class in child psychology class.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

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