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Is it right that i don't miss my dad when he's dead

My dad died yesterday and i don't feel sad he was an alcholic and i didn't really see him not drunk which is when he gets angry and unreasonable i do have a vague good memory from when i was about 3 but apart from that all i remeber was anger he didn't talk to me after a got pregnant (not good at 15) and even thought the rest of my family are mourning all i can think is that i'm glad i can by decent christmas presents for my kids does this mean i'm bad person?

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RIPzoemommy

Asked by RIPzoemommy at 4:03 PM on Nov. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • it will come. ...give it time.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:07 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I think you have every right to feel angry.That's what you are going through.I felt the same way when mine passed in '89.I find that people tend to mourn the person they used to be,or the one they could have been.If in time the feelings come out then that will be good.If they don't,then maybe they were never there to begin with,and that's ok too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • It sounds like he was just a person you knew, he really wasn't a "dad". I don't think it is bad if you do not feel sad at this time, maybe you will someday and maybe you won't, you may have already "mourned the death of your dad" when he wasn't a part of your life. Everyone deals with death in your own way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • No, if I was in your situation, I'd feel the same way. I just wouldn't tell that to my family
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • anger is a part of grief. You don't have to feel sad to grieve.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:14 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • My mom died back in 2003. I didn't miss her then, I don't miss her now. I didn't cry at her funeral, I don't cry for her now. She was stupid enough to not wear a seatbelt when driving....as far as I'm concerned she killed herself.

    Is it right? Only you can answer that for you. I know how you feel, though. She was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. All of my kids have been born since she died....I don't regret them not knowing her. (I do regret they won't know my daddy, though...)

    I'm answering anon because I don't need to or want to hear the crap about me needing help, I'm cold hearted, etc....I'm not grieving and I never did. I am numb and have no feelings one way or the other about her being gone.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I didn't know my dad very well, he and my mother divorced when I was an infant, and I was a teenager before I ever saw him, I saw him once after that as an adult too. He died a few years ago, and I sometimes forget that he is deceased since it makes no difference in my life. He wasn't there then and he isn't there now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • I agree with anon:09. Under the circumstances, you have every right to feel the way you do, but please keep it to yourself for now. I understand your feelings toward your father, but in time you will go through the grief process. It can help with dealing with the anger you're feeling now, and will help to give you closure. I am sorry for your loss.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 4:53 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • Um..I don't read in there that she's angry now. She said she could only remember anger, nothing about her being angry now.

    She has no feelings towards her father. She is torn about that being "right" or not.

    It is right .....FOR HER. If I'm reading her correctly, she's not grieving...she's relieved.

    Does she need to say anything to anyone...if she needs to get it out, then YEAH she needs to talk about it. If she knows someone was close to him, then that would be the wrong person to say anything to, obviously....but she also shouldn't have to keep it all bottled up.

    OP...there will be a right time to come out with your feelings to your family. My sibling knows how I feel since our mom died (I'm the anon who lost her mom and doesn't care), and I know he does not share that feeling. (they were close...she was a total bitch to me) Be patient. Do what you want with your inheritance...that's what it's for.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

  • i dont think its wrong. i cried when my dad died and at his funeral -for a few months after he died i just kept having the scenario of him dying in my head replaying everyday. but that went away and i was the one that never cried and was never depressed when the rest of the family was. my dad was sick for a large part of my life and i didnt really have a bond with him. he suffered and suffered and it was good to see him not have to deal with that anymore. its hard to cry over someone you didnt have a bond with, or that hurt you, or that made you feel bad about yourself. maybe one day you will cry, maybe it will never come. but just take your time and dont feel pressured to bawl and rip your hair out since thats how everyone else mourns.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Nov. 27, 2009

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