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What if you felt like you just were not created well (by whomever you believe your creator to be) to survive in this world?

What would you do about it? I have severe depression issues and I've had them for as long as I can remember. I have ups and downs, but I'm always depressed. Basically, there are some times when I can fight off the negative feelings pretty well and there are other times, like now, when I just can't fight them and they seem to overpower me. At those times, I sit and fight suicidal thoughts constantly and I cannot express to you, how draining that is. I want to commit suicide sometimes just to not have to fight anymore, kwim? Anyway, I just basically feel like I don't fit in here. I cannot make real, lasting friendships. I've had two failed marriages and my parents both struggle with depression, my brother committed suicide when I was a baby. I'm not even close to anyone in my family and I never have been. I am an outcast. I really want to change but I just don't know how. I've tried to before but I still ended up back here.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Nov. 27, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (9)
  • Dang! I thought I was the only one like that. I push the ones I love away because I cannot control my emotions. I realized yesterday that emotions distort reality. The best thing to do is fight it before it gets too bad. As soon as you feel the neg coming..realize it, and do something to prevent it. Cuz if you dont, you might as well just call it a day.

    Maybe it feels like you cannot handle what is on your plate. Count your blessings. What I like to think is that my creator would never put more on my plate than I can swallow. I know I can overcome this. And when I do, Im sure I will be at peace. Amen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Honey you aren't the only one. I take anti-depressants for years and I'm still depressed. It just never seems to go away. I visited a therapist for a couple of years and that didn't really help. It kinda feels like you have to pay someone to be your friend.
    Suicide isn't the answer tho that much I do know. You have heard about the people who don't know why or what was so bad? I have children and I don't want them to say those things about me or themselves. I stay here so my kids don't have to question what they did or didn't do to make me do something like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Thanks, anon:07 for your reply. I guess I'm just at the point where I'm pass my own intervention techniques. I know that eventually I'm going to have to get professional help. I just pray that I find someone who can really help me. You see, I've battled with these issues since before I was even old enough to realize that there was something wrong with my emotions and my way of thinking. I also grew up with a mother who was the same way, but much worse. So this is all that I know. I try to change but the only think that I know to do is watch other people and try to immitate the way that they handle things but of course that doesn't work for me and I feel like I'm just being fake and trying to hard b/c I don't actually have their way of thinking and I don't see things as they do. Now that I reaslize that there is something wrong, I need to be taught how to change it, I guess.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Anon 18, thanks for your reply as well. That is my fear. That I will go through all of those things and yet still not be "fixed", sort of speak. I understand what you mean about leaving your children behind to wonder. However, for me, after having the parents that I have and going through the things that I went through. I honestly feel that a lot of the reason for why I turned out this way is b/c depression is so strong in my immediate family. My mother, father two brothers and one that already commited suicide, all battle/ed with depression. I'm just tired of fighting. I sometimes think that what if I leave aletter behind for my son that clearly expresses why I did what I did. Wouldn't he understand then? I honestly feel that he would have a batter chance at happiness if I'm out of the picture. Other times, I wonder what his life would become. All I want for him is happiness. I would give up my life for him to have that. -op
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • You should definitely get help for this. Why wait? Depression is serious, and it can sometimes run in the family. Counseling and medication can improve your life, and you deserve to feel better! This isn't going to go away on its own....and it is not a character flaw on your part. You can't help your pre-disposition....but now you CAN make a decision to get help for yourself. It takes a strong person to live with depression as long as you have, so use that strength now to get help.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:20 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. If you have children, you must keep in mind what a screwed up thing it would be for them, if you killed yourelf. You need to keep searching for a solution to your depression. We all suffer from that from time to time. Therapy, medication...keep seeking help. My father died this past July in a very unexpected and yucky manner. I thought I was doing ok but in the end wound up at the docs. They put me on Zoloft and I literally feel like a new person. Just keep searching...the answer is different for each of us. Be strong...for you and your family. Good luck.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:55 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • You are looking and you keep looking so that says you are not ready to give up. Being depressed is a hard place to be. I suggest you get a physical and have your doctor make suggestions. Start writing down your feelings and continue looking for someone to talk to. You deserve more from life as we all do! ((((HUGS)))
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:20 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I used to spend a lot of time in the negative. I do know how you feel. I was not just sad, but misunderstood. I felt things much more deeply and things hurt me and I couldn't get over things. About a year ago I started feeling this way around my period more and more. Even though I knew it was my period I just couldn't tolerate it, I was so so sad. It lasted for 4-9 days every month. So I talked to my gyn. I told her about my brother who committed suicide. I don't feel like that. But I had an open honest talk.
    That was the day that changed my life. I am on some new meds that serioulsy changed me. They didn't change me as for who I am. I just can see what matters and what doesn't. I take a small dosage of Lexapro. Personally I have tried antidepressants before and always went off of them due to the negative parts. However now I just feel like me only better. IT isn't a fake happy feeling I still get sad now and again.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 7:26 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I can just see that I am sad, not wanting to hibernate from the world. You can be better and things can get better. I know they can. Please seek out help and don't stop until you find a supportive doctor that can hear what you are saying. It is worth the fight to get healthy. THis is not your fault and your life has value. You are important.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 7:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

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