Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

At what point do you admit defeat?

I worry that there are too many differences between SO and I; I read, he doesn't, I quit partying when I got pregnant, he refuses to grow up. He can't/won't do what it takes to support us, he has no real goals in life, I make them for him, I have to ask him to do things like feed the baby, he just does not see how anything regarding the house or baby is his reponsibility. Whenever I bring up something he promises to change or gets defensive, and may pick up for a day or two then it's back to the same old bs... I just don't know what to do, I feel like I deserve and can do so much better then this guy who knocked me up, but part of me wants to make this work soooooo badly.....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Nov. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • First off try to stop focusing on all his bad points, praise the good ones. He'll listen more often. More flies with sugar you know.. Second, my DH and I are complete opposites and it can work, as long as you recognize that and stop trying to change him. I am not saying he should be irresponsible, and yes, he does sound like he needs to be more responsible, but if he's under say 25, he still has time in which to grow up. That doesn't happen overnight for men like it does for women once a baby enters the picture. The other thing is try to find some common ground, it will help. It takes a full 30 days to change a routine, but a lot longer to change a habit. Habits are ingrained and deeply rooted. A routine is simple, like taking a different route to work. Give him time and celebrate the positives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • It sounds like your SO is not putting much effort into being a father, provider or partner to you. I think you need to sit him down and have a talk with him- let him know how you feel, and tell him that he needs to grow up and take responsibility-- both as a provider and as a father. I would also give him a deadline, and say "if you don't get it together by xxx day we are thru." If he balks, refuses, or does not make an effort (for more than a day or 2) then i would end it. It takes TWO people to have a relationship and make it work, if you are going to stay together and be a family you both need to be giving it your all. You alone can't keep it going, he needs to do his part too. If you do decide to keep the relationship, I strongly urge you to seek couples counseling.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:54 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • welcome to the real life of men. look men have a hard time growing up, and fussing only makes them feel as though there mom is there. he did not knock you up on his own and it takes two, so you helped in that as well. it is hard starting off, but sweetie men
    have a hard time growing up,and as you get older than you start looking over it. but for now understand the more you fuss the less you will get from him, he is a man and they act like kids be is partner not his mom.
    ladysunshine197

    Answer by ladysunshine197 at 8:33 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN