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Would you be angry if...

... your DH asked your dad without your knowledge to pay for a hotel room? My SS & his wife came to visit this past week. We were going to help them with some of the trip expenses, but my DH lost his job for a month & didn't find one until a week before their visit. DH told SS when he lost his job that we wouldn't be able to help them out, and SS said it was fine & they had the money to pay for everything. Then the night before they got here, DH asked my dad to pay for it without talking to me first. My dad ended up not paying for it in the end, because SS had the money all the time & DH knew it!
DH & I have only been married for 2 years, so it's not like he's known my dad for 20 years or something... Also, I should say here that he's done this before, except with my mom. (continued below in reply)


Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Nov. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It sounds like your husband is both selfish and immature. He needs to learn how to communicate with you and also how to prioritize. I recommend seeking marriage counseling for the financial issues, as well as the other ones. I also suggest speaking to your parents about this. Fill them in on his inability to control himself. Tell them that you love and appreciate them, and you don't want to see their kindness getting taken for granted. I hope that all of the issues get resolved and that you and your husband can achieve the happy and fulfilling partnership that you both have taken vows to strive for. Good luck.

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 8:40 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • (OP here, continued)
    Last time SS was here, they went out to eat a lot, went drinking a couple times, & went through all our money (checking AND what little we had in our savings). I had told him ahead of time that he could only spend a certain amount because we needed to pay bills, but he did what he wanted anyway. Then he went to my mom without my knowledge & asked her for $500 so we could pay our bills. It caused a HUGE fight.
    I feel like my family & I are being used. My parents are very generous people, and there's nothing they wouldn't do for me & my family, even though they're not rich either. But we have other marital problems too, so I wonder if the resentment might be bleeding over from the other stuff.
    What do you think?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • He sounds like a loser, sorry. DH would NEVER ask my parents for anything (let alone without saying anything to me!) and they ARE close.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Uhm, you Husband sounds like my Step-Father. My Step-Father tries to buy their love. It has caused HUGE issues between my Mom and Him. He has even taken out $5000 loans without telling my Mom for his daughter. He has been this way the whole 15 years that we know him. I just don't see him changing (but that is from my personal experience.
    I would be ROYALLY pissed if my Husband did that to me. I tell my parent's not to loan him anymore money without hearing my vocal approval.

    Answer by kc932 at 8:29 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • :( sounds fishy to me. kinda selfish, and what the others said.

    Answer by forevermom75 at 1:39 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • (OP here)
    We are already in marriage counseling. It doesn't seem like it's working. There is too much stuff every week, and by the time we have explained it all, our hour is up & no progress is made.
    I had talked to my mom on the last occurance & told her not to agree to anything until she talked to me. I haven't talked to my dad in the last few days, but when I do I will be telling him the same thing.
    Thanks for all your responses. I really need validation on my feelings sometimes because when I bring stuff like this up, he basically treats me like I am just being a huge b*tch & like I'm completely overreacting. So now I constantly question myself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

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