Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Have a second child or not?

I have a perfect toddler (19months). I am debating having an only child or having one more. I always saw myself as having 1 and only 1. I get stressed out with only one, but I found that it is mainly cause he always needs my attention. Would giving him a bro. or sis. be my solution.

Please any advise on this. Personal experiences from people who aren't 'kid people'.

Answer Question
 
cloud144

Asked by cloud144 at 2:44 AM on Nov. 28, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 10 (395 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I am really struggling with this same exact question, only my son is already three! I'm pretty sure I dont want him to be an only child, but I am so scared the next child will be just as headstrong as he is! My son takes after me alot, and it worries me that I might have another child who takes after me too (in personality).
    Do you have any friends or family with children that you might babysit for a day or weekend to kinda test the waters and see how you feel? I have babysat for my cousin, her kids are 3yr and 7mo and its not so bad, but her two kids are quiet and a little shy, nothing like my rambunctious son. What does your SO think? how does he feel?
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 3:06 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Well, the "only child" is subject to a great deal more scrutiny by the parents throughout his life....From the parents' point of view that can give the illusion that the child requires more attention and that having more than one would be completely overwhelming. From the child's point of view, it can be stressful to be the subject of some much fretting...and having ALL of the parents' attention focused on you can be ovewhelming too. The way you are as a person is the main factor determining how you are as a parent...so you probably have a good sense of how you would deal with another child. No matter what, having a second child (or any after that!) is a different matter than having the first one. The second one has to become part of the family, and the world doesn't tend to STOP when that child enters the family. The first child continues to have needs that need to be met, and activities that he needs to attend, etc. (cont.)
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 7:47 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • (continued) Usually, parents find the second child is more adaptable than they ever thought possible with the first. In reality that is because the first really never had to adapt to anything. The parents did all the adapting, but that isn't possible with the second one. As a parent, having a second child shows you how much you have learned from having the first and you take a lot more in stride and things don't usually seem so overwhelming. Of course, every child is different and you never know how the second one will be either. Some babies are more demanding and some really do go with the flow. Babysitting isn't a BAD idea, but it isn't the same as raising your own. Remember, in your own family, in your own home, you will adapt to each other! That isn't the case when you babysit. The bottom line, though, is that you have to know yourself and what you can handle. Everyone is a little afraid, but you know if this is more.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 7:53 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I always think that, if you decide not to have another one, you might regret it. But if you have another one, you'll never wish you didn't.
    SherriPie

    Answer by SherriPie at 8:21 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • my DS turned 4 on Wednesday and will 99% sure be an only child. DH and I both work full time and I don't feel like I can stretch myself any thinner and still be a good parent.
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 8:29 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I am not a child person either, but I have an 8 year old daughter and a 3-yr-old son. Before my son was born my dd was really spoilt and needed all my attantion 24/7! After the new beby arrived she started sharing, helping around etc. I grew up as an only child and I always wished for more siblings. My DH has a sister and he always wanted a second child because he loves how close he is with his sister.

    I always pictured myself with one child, but I wouldn't change my family now for the world.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I would wait before you have another child. Your child at the moment needs you completely. Maybe wait until they are like 5 before you consider another because I am sure there will be jealousy. My 2 year old gets jealous when I have to attend to our friend's baby for a few minutes..so I can only imagine what it would be like if I had another right now.

    I intend to wait until he is 5 or so. I don't really want another because my son really needs all my attention right now and I wouldn't enjoy having two kids.

    Also when they are a little older you can get them to help out with the baby moreso which is not only beneficial to you but also to your son.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 9:29 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I think it is my job as a parent to provide someone for my dd to grow old with. I mean I will only be around for so long, and then what. Atleast if you give them one bro or sis they will have someone else in their lives after parents are gone...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN