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my sons dad? putting it here since it has to do with my son as well

I'll start off by saying my sons fathers left while i was preggo and hasn't seen his son.
Well he is coming down next week because we have court dec 18th. He says he plans of finding a job once he gets down here and plans on moving back, so he can be apart of his sons life. He is excited about coming down and i'm all for him meeting his son if he really does plan on being there for him. Well the past few weeks that we've been talking he has been trying to make amends with me. I dont trust him, but have agree to let him see his son, as long as i am there to supervise (he has no experiance with kids) which he agreed to. I also told him before he got to meet his son for the first time, we would have to get together and talk in person first. But now i'm starting to feel like its wrong for me to make him meet up with me before getting to meet his son. Any advice


Asked by vgiron at 10:01 AM on Nov. 28, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 15 (1,873 Credits)
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Answers (4)
  • It is definitely not mean of you to want to meet with him first.. please be careful. You don't know this person well even since he's been gone, you don't know what he's capable of. My sons father wasn't around during pregnancy or the birth, finally he came around when my son was 5 months old.. all the sudden wanting to meet him.. this is after he broke up with his ex girlfriend, and when he was in rehab.. I wish i would have ignored him and told him to move on, he had alterior motives.. i think he was more interested in me than him.. even though he said he wanted to be his dad.. for two years, he would put our son off and just hang and use me for things.. It's no good.. i would give him the chance, maybe he has changed and such.. he needs to explain to you why he left.. and you need to explain to him that hes in or hes out.. no in between.. a child needs a fulltime father, or no father at all what so ever.he can't just come..

    Answer by MickeysMom19 at 6:26 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • He left while you were pregnant, he hasn't made an effort since then to see his child. You have every right not to trust him. Since you don't trust him you want to make sure that what he is saying is really what he plans. I would meet up with him first to. Find out his intentions and see for myself, face to face, whether he's genuine about coming back and what-nott. Don't feel bad about meeting up with him before he meets his son. The last thing you want is him to meet your son and then ditch out. When you meet up with him face to face you can see if he means what he says. If he does then go from there.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:06 AM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Don't feel bad about meeting with him first! He left you, not the other way around. Make sure he understands that coming into your sons' life and then splitting again is not an option. Also let him know that he won't be spending time alone with him until you trust that he'll be able to take care of him. That's for your son's benefit - not yours.

    Answer by TiffanyMarie80 at 1:25 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • .cont.. around when he wants to, this will damage the child. Do not try to make things work if this person is disfunctional, if he left when you were preg, than he is probably disfunctional.. unless there was some other reason, such as going away for college.. or imprisonment (which would still make him very disfuntional). You can't just think with your heart, think with your head.. and i would definatly say that you need to meet with him and see how he acts before you let him meet his son, if you dont want to sound rude or mean, just say hey lets do lunch of catch up on him.. that sounds better.. good luck.

    Answer by MickeysMom19 at 6:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

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