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Raging Daughter

When she needs something she snaps at me, she pushes me until she gets what she needs. It isn't that she shouldn't get her needs met but I want to be spoken to with respect. When I deny her what she demands for, she yells, throws things, and asks like I hate her. I feel guilty and it is worse when I get frustrated with her and tell her that I need her to leave me a lone for a bit because I am getting frustrted. I don't want her to feel rejected by me saying that but when I tell her that I will not respnond to her demands she just pushes more. What should I do here????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Nov. 28, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (5)
  • Remain calm, let her know you will not get her what she wants unless she ask nicely.  Teach her manners.


    Here are some books on anger management, temper tantrums, aggressive behavior http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?node=22&page=1


    Also books on manners.  Read together http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=2


    When kids see things on paper with pictures, they seem "real".  If there favorite character is acting a certain way, they will want to also.

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 6:49 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • If she's 5-8 and she is treating you like that, imagine how she'll treat you when she's a teenager. Every child has bad moments, but it's not something you should ignore, because she won't just "get over" something like that.
    Tell her that you love her and are glad to help her with anything and everything that she needs, but she will need to be respectful, and to ask nicely. Be firm and once you say something, stick to it. Don't let her talk you into something else.
    All it takes is about 3 days of fits, 7 if they're stubborn, and every night, (if you're doing it) you'll wish you could just back down, kick and scream with her, but don't... she'll learn. :)
    It does make you look at yourself and consider things before giving her an answer. I have to tell myself that it's training me as well as her, and that it will be worth it. When she finally does learn, you'll be thrilled and you'll deserve a prize. :)
    -Just my 2 cents
    jayneizme

    Answer by jayneizme at 7:24 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Strong willed children seem to look for ways to find something to control. It is a temperament trait and it will make her a leader and strong individual as she grows if you can channel it into positive things. But until then, you need explain to her what is appropriate and how you are going to hand inappropriate behavior. She is smart and she has you so figured out. She knows what buttons to push and is trying to make you give in and give her control. So once you have established what is ok and what isn't, tell her, and then tell her what you are going to do. When she acts up, tell her in a calm voice to stop screaming, throwing, whatever and that you are going to ignore her until she apologizes and does what is appropriate. Then do it. Of course out of the corner of your eye you have to be sure she is safe, but don't give in. You are the adult, she needs to respect you. Then come up with consequences.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 8:27 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Once you get progress in that direction, be sure to 'catch' her doing something good or appropriate and praise her. Kids need that and they work for it. It is o.k. for you to need your space to cool down and think too. She needs to give that to you. You don't ask for it. It is the way it is. She is a child and you are trying to teach her right from wrong. The older she gets the worse it will be if you don't help her get on the right path. We are behind you and want to support you. Your family, husband, partner, whomever needs to do it too and be consistent that is the most important thing. You are a good mom and recognize the challenge headed your way. Hang in there. You can do it!
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 8:30 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • YOu need to take control now before you have a teenage out doing whatever she wants... like smoking, drinking, drugs and sex....

    if she is 5-8 she treaats youthis wayy becauuse you have allowed it. Don't allow it any more. Make a list of house rules, reasons behind each, reasons should be centered behind charecter traits that you wish her to develop (ie... No disrespectful behavior, because we should treat others with the same respect that we ourselfs would like to be shown).. and a consiquence for disrespect (in our home, its a spanken and a good amount of chores till (scrubbing walls usually) till the attitude changes.
    Every child has their currancy... find hers, she needs to understand that she is entitled to only basic human ritghts, the rest she should be greatful for... but that is something YOU have to teach.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 3:59 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

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