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something I don't understand

what would drive a mother to do this?

we were meeting up with some distant relatives for thanksgiving with my family. i just recently got married and my husband and i were eating dinner with them. when it came time for intro's my mom took responsibility for introducing her kids. but she completely skipped over my husband and i like we weren't there. also she was very rude thanksgiving day to me in particular.
i know that she has some harsh feelings toward me about who i chose to marry but this stuff really hurt my feelings. how can I tell her? am i making too big of a deal?
it just bugs me because i used to be really close to my mom and now she pretends i'm not there half the time.


Asked by Hali_Taylor at 7:31 PM on Nov. 28, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Wow, soooo sorry, how rude and embarassing, I would back off from her for a while, till she can come around herself and start fresh with you guys, lay low for awhile and next time she does that you guys should get up introduce yourselves and leave.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 7:34 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • As the mother of adult children, it is important for her to "approve" of who you marry. Yes, it's more important that you love him. This has a big effect on the overall relationship.....if she doesn't approve. There has to be good reason (at least in her mind). Does she not like him for things he does? Does she think he's not good enough for you? is she afraid that he will cause you to change from what she thinks she brought you up to be? If you have changed and left her out of a big portion of your life during this, you could have a quiet lunch with her sometime to let her in on who you are, what you want in your life, etc.
    OR....did you marry someone she doesn't like out of spite?

    Answer by EireLass at 7:35 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • i'm not stupid enough to marry someone out of spite. i love him and he's a good man. I really think it's because she doesn't think he's rich or good looking enough. (my mom can be really shallow)

    Answer by Hali_Taylor at 7:39 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • WOW! I would call your mother on it, also let her know that it really hurt your feelings and if she can be an adult for x-mas then you would love to see her then but if she is gonna act like a child then have a great x-mas and call me when you want to have me in your life again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I would let her see how it feels. try ignoring and not acknowledging her. Even if she didnt approve she needs to be adult enough to get the hell over it, its your life your off the tit now and she needs to realise that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • I would have introduced myself and my husband and said I'm her daughter too but I guess she forgot about me. That would show others that what she did was childish.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:53 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • LOL, I'm with admachenzie! What your mom did was really ugly. She doesn't have to approve of who you marry to be polite. I'm sure this will be an issue for a lot of years to come. It would for me. But then, I think we would have gotten up and left. That left you guys to be stuck in a horrible situation.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 8:23 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • Don't hold your tongue just let it right out to her . Even if you dont get the response you want at least you got it of your chest .

    Answer by waitin4u at 8:53 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • What do you mean "How do I tell her?" You just say it. Don't skirt around the subject, don't let her feel like it doesn't really bother you. Be honest with her and tell her that she hurt your feelings. Tell her what you told us, and be honest with her.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2009

  • P.S. She doesn't have to agree with you. She doesn't even have to like the guy you married, but she should be an adult either way. She can be civil to you and your husband and at least accept that you're an adult and made a choice that was right for you. Don't let her treat you like dirt, because she can't be an adult.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:31 PM on Nov. 28, 2009