Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

He cheated, can we get past it and move on?

I recently found pics of my bf getting oral sex from another girl. I am so upset, mad, hurt, disgusted and a million other feelings I can't even explain. How could he do this and why? And the worst part is, I FOUND THEM. And even though he admitted it, I still don't know if I should forgive him and if so, HOW DO I? I love him so much and as far as I know, this is the 1st and last time this has ever happened. I mean I want to forgive him and trust him again, but HOW? Has anyone ever been through this? How did you get past it (if you did) or did you leave? Where do I go from here? Please help ladies without bashing.

A very sad and upset mom :(:(:(:(:(:(

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Nov. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Leave. he isnt worth staying with after that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • This is a choice that only you can make for yourself. I don't think you will ever forget, but some people can forgive. Although I have not gone thru this, I have know women that have. Some of them stayed with the man others have left their men. It is a personal choice that you will need to make for yourself. Good luck

    Answer by ronjwake at 1:13 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I have never been thru this, but I know people who have. Some were able to work it out and salvage their relationship , others were not so lucky and split up. It is up to you to decide if you can forgive him or not and up to you to decide if you want to try to make it work, or if you want to leave him.. If you want to forgive him and keep the relationship it will take BOTH of you giving it your all. I do think you need to sit him down and find out why he did it, and talk to him- let him know how hurt you feel, let it all out. If you do still love him, I would tell him that too. If he also wants to keep the relationship- then it would be a good idea for the 2 of you to go to couples counseling. Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 1:22 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I'd be willing to bet this was just the only time this has happened with photo evidence! If he was bold enough to have pics taken then it's probably something that's happened a lot. All that aside I'd leave he for being a complete idiot! Who's dumb enough to cheat, take pics, and then leave them where there is even the slightest chance their wife could find them? Not a bright guy at all, find a new one!

    Answer by Blueliner at 1:23 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I can not tell you what to do. I can only give you advice. I think if you really love this guy then sit down and talk about how you are feeling. I think communication is very important now in your relationship. I do not think you should put the blame on yourself. I would just really talk to him, and let him know how you feel. I think the other person was correct by saying only you can decide your future with the guy. I do feel sorry for you feeling hurt. I have been hurt, and it is not nice at all. I wish you the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • My husband and I worked through our problems. I cheated on him and i am pretty sure he has cheated on me. but we know that our love is strong enough that we can work through our mistakes. it takes time and talking through things. you have to TALK!! good luck hun and no matter what u decide go with your heart. if you love him no matter what then try and work through it hun.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I agree with Blue, if he was bold enough to take pics and then NOT delete them, chances are this is not a "one time thing". Most guys would be too shy andfeelawkward to take a pic of a chick the first time she is going down on him. He would be afraid of scaring her off. More than likely he has done this many times with her, and probably other chicks as well.
    Think it over and see if that is the kind of relationship you want to be in and if that is the type of father figure you want your kids to have. If history has taught us anything, he will do it again, and again, and again. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I will be totally honest and tell you that I cheated on my fiance, several times. I had no excuse for doing what I did, but thankfully, he forgave me and we got passed it. The hardest part for me, was forgiving myself. We are now getting married and are happier than ever. Some people can get passed it, and others can't. Its a personal thing, that you two will have to work out. Good luck

    Answer by livingrlovesong at 3:36 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • you deserve better, if you want to stay with a perverted lying douche bag then you can. but i say go out there and find a real man. you owe him nothing.

    Answer by Hali_Taylor at 5:54 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • My husband got a bj from whore a while he was deployed and we were only married ffoor 8 months and were still together and I havent forgiven him but then I'm not much to forgiveness but I told him if it ever happens again I'm gone. All I can say is ask him if this was first and only time and if it is then give him one last chance don't hang on to a dog that has bitten you over and over again cause if you then he'll keep bitting you.

    Answer by momtoPMCandJNC at 7:39 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.