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Married with 3 kids and having "Mother Issues" ( my Mom)

I am living with my Mother until I finish Nursing School...I start clinicals in Jan. Last spring my husband found himself out of work. Even with relentless searching he had no luck until this summer and now he has a good job but my Mother feels he didnt work because he was lazy...we live in Wayne County MI highest unemployment in US. Long story short she will not let him live here and we cant afford to get a new place for at least another month so he is sleeping in his truck and driving 30 miles to work. He wont pay for a hotel because he wants to save the money. Christmas is here and its either rent a new place or the kids have Christmas. They are 13- 10 -8 and I dont even wanna get into what I go thru with the kids and her...We moved out west to start over and just moved back in Nov when i got accepted into the program. we did good out west but I missed home and finishing school is a priority. Any advice?

 
jamiet

Asked by jamiet at 6:40 AM on Nov. 29, 2009 in Money & Work

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • This is your HUSBAND we are talking about!! Is he the father of your children as well--maybe that's the reason she doesn't like him? Regardless of that, he's still your husband and SHOULD be allowed to stay with you and your family! Is your father around? If not, could that be the reason why she is being so hard on YOUR husband--because she can control him?

    Unfortunately, you're between a rock and a hard place--and you're going to have to bite your tongue for now. I know (from first hand experience what control-freak mothers are like) that you're angry, stressed and seething with anger at this point! Is there any chance your husband could at least stay in a homeless shelter--since he technically is?! At least he would be warm, fed and showered! :o)

    When all is said and done, I'd say "adios" to your mom--forever. This kind of behavior does nothing to foster a healthy relationship and only shows her true colors!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:32 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • If your husband is willing to go through that to keep the family together, wow!
    He's a keeper, so make sure he doesn't freeze to death in the truck!
    You are all headed in the right direction.
    When clinicals are over, pretty soon, you'll be in a better financial situation.
    Try to hang out at Grandma's for a few more months, put up with whatever she shovels out, maybe deep down she knows that soon you will be moving, and it's making her grouchy?
    You're outta there soon, so spend some money on a merry Christmas.
    mustbeGRACE

    Answer by mustbeGRACE at 7:02 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • He is putting up with the homeless thing but at his last of it he is getting grouchy now too. and it is getting even colder, how can i get ther to let him stay here. She thinks she is right...and doing the right thing but its not the right thing i need all of us together . When teat time comes i dont wanna be stressed by this..
    jamiet

    Answer by jamiet at 7:12 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • He is a good man to do this for his family. Most guys would have just left you, because of the way your Mom is acting. I understand how she feels, but to make him sleep in his truck is cruel.  I hope you all hurry up and move out soon.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:12 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • You could always threaten her. Tell her if you do not let your DH come and live in the house. You and the kids will go live in the truck with him.  Have you PA(welfare).

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:15 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I know you want to make the holidays nice for your kids, but in your current situation, how great could it be? Will your mom invite your husband to Christmas dinner or for gift opening on Christmas morning? Is the fighting and extra stress worth it so your kids can get "stuff"? The latest video game is nice and all, but I think most kids would prefer a stable living environment with both of their parents!

    Take the cash you set aside for Christmas and find a place where you can live together as a family. Things will be tight this year - you might have to get creative with gifts and activities - but in the long run I bet you'll all be happier!
    emmasammom

    Answer by emmasammom at 9:57 AM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • First of all. You husband is a REAL man, making sure his wife and kids are taken care of like that. I think you are doing the right thing to have shelter and food for your kids, while having the parents make sacrifices. You guys deserve kudos. This must be hard on you as well as him. Wow. Just wow. Your mom is a jerk, but taking care of your kids is a priority.

    I would choose to not get the kids gifts and get a place. The gift of their father is gift enough. And I would explain that. Say "you know daddy has to sleep in his truck. Well, this Christmas, our family gift is a place together. Family is the most important gift of all. I'm sorry we can't have presents, but maybe we can do something nice for each other." And play up the HUGE sacrifice your husband has made. Make sure your kids know what a real man is like.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 3:36 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I would get a place. The kids are old enough to understand that Christmas will be tight. I would sit down and talk to them. We had our tight years as kids and there were times that my mom made us gifts. Maybe do something like that for christmas and get a place of your own.
    Xandriasmommy

    Answer by Xandriasmommy at 5:16 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Thanks so much for all the great support, I have bben so busy I forgot I asked the question on here. Good news we all moved into our new place on Friday, and thanks to selling on craigslist we have made extra money for household stuff and for Christmas!!!! God has blessed us...I wish my Ma would lighten up but I guess that is just who she is.
    jamiet

    Answer by jamiet at 12:50 PM on Dec. 11, 2009