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Is it a bad idea to have sex w/ my husband if we are contemplating a divorce

We are kind of staying seperated at the moment, while he figures out whether he wants to stay with me, or get a divorce. The reason for the possible divorce is because he has been **thinking** of being with other women, he hasn't yet, but this is the reason why he is thinking about it. We more than likely will go through with it if his feelings dont change because I refuse to be his wife while he wants to be with other women. And no, he has not cheated.

But it's been forever and he kissed me today and well.... yeah. I want to, but I don't know if it's a good idea or not....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on Nov. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • It couold be a start to salvaging your relationship..rebuild the flame. I say by all means, just use BC.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:38 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I wouldn't do it. I would be repulsed at the idea that he's not sure about whether he wants to stay committed to me or not! I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • It's all about how you feel about doing it and whether you're ok knowing about what he has been thinking and feeling. Can you deal with whatever feelings may come after the deed is done?

    Answer by bubblycute at 5:42 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I agree with the above. He's still your husband and as long as you don't have some foolish notion that a baby will save the marriage (and you don't sound like the type) then go for it. But also try not to get your hopes up that this is something more than what it is.

    Answer by Lesli at 5:42 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I think it's not a good idea, he doesn't deserve your sex, even if you want to, I'm seperated and contemplating divorce and I don't think I can ever sleep with him again! I just don't trust him and he's not going to use me, anymore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I say no, because I have been there. My husband was trying to figure out if he wanted out of the marriage or not. We were separated and he still came over a lot but every time that he would we would have sex like three or four times a day and then he would leave. I felt used. I felt like it was all for nothing. YES I love my husband but it wasn't making him stay home. In the end, I found out that he was sleeping with me AND three other women over a period of four months. YES I stayed, some days I don't know why, but we are working on our marriage and we are trying to make this work. He realized what a mistake it was for him to do that to our family. I am in no way saying that it can't work, but it didn't for me. Work on your marriage, see a counselor, or pastor, see someone but do not think for one second that if you have sex with him that it will magically fix everything. Sex is just ONE part of a marriage. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • OP here.... Yeah I def do NOT want a baby.. lol! I'm not crazy, I know that one night of sex will not change entire feelings, but I need something here, and I'm def not going to go out and have sex with a stranger, and I'm not up for taking care of it myself. He has been a great guy about it this whole time, he's offered me everything in the house if we do divorce, and the car that's paid for. He broke down today and kept telling me he's so stupid for feeling this way, he wishes it will go away, etc..

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Maybe he is trying to figure out his feelings. Just because he says he thinks he might want to be with another woman doesn't mean your marriage can't be saved. I'd ask him to go to counseling with you before he decides. You got married so there must have been a love there once. Many tmes one blames the marriage when they start having internal problems and it just may not be you or being married to you. Don't give up on him yet. Try and get him to talk to you about it or even better both of you go to counseling. Good luck.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 5:51 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I would do it. That's just me. Sex is a natural part of life, if you want and he wants it and he is still your husband. I did it one last time with a bf I was leaving (I was leaving because he cheated one too many times), but he was the best lover I ever had. I didn't feel bad afterwards and it is still a good memory. If he is confused, have you suggested counselling?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • My husband and I have been through the exact same thing. Please feel free to PM me. I would rather not go into detail here. Thanks.


    Answer by AnnaMac at 6:00 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

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