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How come this year is so bad?

Decemeber 5th would be my son's fourth birthday. Some years it has been okay. I don't mean I was okay with his death. I meant it was bearable. I made cupcakes and we celebrated his short life. This year I am in a mood already. I am crying and don't know how to deal. I think next year will be bad too because it is his golden birthday.

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sweetpea532

Asked by sweetpea532 at 7:07 PM on Nov. 29, 2009 in Just for Fun

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Answers (12)
  • The hurt never goes away. It changes over time and hopefully gets less intense. The biggest problem is Mothers aren't supposed to bury their children. I tried counciling for a while and found little help in it. I did join a support group of Mothers who had lost their children of varying ages. It helps a lot sometimes just to know someone out there feels what you feel. May 17th is always really tough for me. My son would be 25 this year. One thing I do know..is the older they are when you lose them the harder it seems to be. My Mom lost my brother when he wa 29. That has been almost 15 years ago and it is still incredibly intense for her. Your feeling and emotionals are real and valid. It has only been a very short time for you, Find someone to to hug and know I will keep you close in thought.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:14 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • omfg! anon :08 are you serious???? how about some sympathy?? jesus christ! talk about rude. this woman is hurting, albeit holding on to the past, and all you can do is say that??? the least you could do is show some respect or don't post at all!!

    OP, I suggest some kind of counseling to help you move on. I understand you lost your child, but eventually you have to come to terms with this and live your life. Don't get stuck in time because of your loss. I've seen too many people do this and it's such a wasted. Learn how to let go. It could be the best gift you could ever give yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I think every year is different, I had a miscarriage but I can't compare the hurt..I'm sorry for your loss.
    MamasAngelPie

    Answer by MamasAngelPie at 7:15 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Thank you GrneyedGrandma!! I just get real sad when I think about the milestones he isn't reaching and how he should be here to fight with his brothers. Ugh!!
    sweetpea532

    Answer by sweetpea532 at 7:16 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I don't usually wallow in my grief all year round. This time of year just brings it up. I went to grief group. I made really good friends that helped me through the early stages. I guess a lot of the stuff happening lately is bringing up the feelings of failure and I felt a lot of failure when he died. Like my body failed him.
    sweetpea532

    Answer by sweetpea532 at 7:20 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I lost my grandpa this year(first death in small, close family), and I agree this year has been horrible. I almost lost my marriage too...I know this doesn't compare to your loss, but I understand. ::::HUGS::::: I can't wait to get as far from 2009 as I possibly can....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Sweetpea..this may sound really dumb but I'm going to share it anyway. My grandmothers was 97 years old when she found peace without pain last January. In a really odd way I find myself comforted by the thought that she is with my son now and can hold him until I get there. In the meantime I had 2 others to raise and now raising 2 grandkids. I often think about my son and milestones. Oddly enough it was my grandmother who got me back on the living track. A little over a year after the funeral she got up in my face..adamant, but not angry and said "You have 2 others to raise and you are ignoring the living to follow the dead" It really shocked me, and she was right. I was physically taking care of my children..but I was only half there. Just because you continue on in your life takes nothinjg from the one you've lost.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:26 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Look at the blessing. A short time with him or never having known him at all? I've never lost a child and can't imagine the pain you must be in. I heard this somewhere and it really is food for thought. God Bless you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • it always hurts but it does get better i guess. Every november 1st i remember my son would have been another yr older (this yr he would have been 8) and november 3rd is the day he passed. I used to take out and look through the memory box the hospital gave me but it always makes the pain worse and it always makes me cry more. But i have to admit that as the years have gone by it has gotten easier and i havent gotten nightmares anymore so thats good- God bless and lots of hugs to u from me!


    hugs

    lovelyli217

    Answer by lovelyli217 at 8:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I want to say thank u to Cafemom for deleting that awful answer!! ((())))
    sweetpea532

    Answer by sweetpea532 at 8:51 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

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