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Giving Ex custody of my 8 yo son?

I have an 8 year old son with my ex. I am recently divorced. I am able to raise my son just fine, but he desperatly wants to live with his dad. They are two peas in a pod. My ex wants to raise my son. Every day it is a struggle, because my son wants more than a few days a week with his dad. Has anyone given custody of their child to the ex? Did it work out? Any advice? My ex is not a bad guy... our marriage just did not work (together 9 years). However, I wish my son did not have so many charactoristics of his dad, and I know he will act more like his dad if they live together.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Nov. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • You give him custody and youll never get him back! My Mom has custody of my sister but she splits the week with him cause my sis likes to be with her dad too. I wouldnt GIVE him custody id make other arrangements
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Remember you thought well enough of him to marry him and have a child with him. Sounds like it might be a good idea.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 8:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • If this is what your son and your ex want, it might be the better thing to do. As long as you do not give up your rights as his mom, you still have custody. It can be changed if it ever needs to be.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 8:57 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I think you should acces why it is that your son likes being over there so much.

    Is it because he's at the age that he needs more daddy time and there are needs that a mommy just can't meet right now?

    Is it because it's one big fun house at his dad's and he'd rather not have to deal with the rules at home?

    We used to LOVE going to our dad's and beg to stay with him but when I look back I see why mom was so frustrated with that. My dad spent tons and tons of money on us, took us to do lots of fun things and we had no rules. At home mom had to mkae sure we did our home work and our chores and she was responsible for paying for us 24/7 so we couldn't always go out and spend lots of money.

    We did what ever we wanted at my dad's house.

    If it's really a good idea than go for it.

    OR maybe you could try joint custody...have him with you one week and him with dad one week and then split holidays??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • OP here... this is a lot of it (below)... but to my son that's his reality. He wants the "fun" things that his dad can do with him. So even though I do my best, he is not happy.

    "Is it because it's one big fun house at his dad's and he'd rather not have to deal with the rules at home?

    We used to LOVE going to our dad's and beg to stay with him but when I look back I see why mom was so frustrated with that. My dad spent tons and tons of money on us, took us to do lots of fun things and we had no rules. At home mom had to mkae sure we did our home work and our chores and she was responsible for paying for us 24/7 so we couldn't always go out and spend lots of money.

    We did what ever we wanted at my dad's house."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • you know you'll have to pay support too! I will NEVER do it!! split custody 3.5 days a week with each
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 10:12 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Kids always think they know what they want then when they get it, it's not as great as they thought it would be. Let son go live with dad on a trial basis but not turn over full custody to him. Just keep custody or give joint custody
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:18 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Personally, I would not do it. Split custody even more, if you need to, but I would not give my children up, ever.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • OP here... the problem with a 50/50 split is school. My ex and I don't live in the same town. So it's a 5 day/2 day deal. Right now dad has 2 day, but now they both want the 5 days together, with my son going to school in my ex's town.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I don't know what state you're in so it's hard to give specific advice. I practice family law and have this issue come up a lot. It's always best for the child if you can come to some agreement. Depending on how close the towns are, you could try a temporary "change of custody" without switching schools just yet or modifying the custody order. If that works for everyone then you could transfer schools and change the order.

    Feel free to message me. I'd be happy to give you any advice I can, but I need more specific details. Good luck either way. I commend you for caring enough about your child to consider it.
    Auburnesq

    Answer by Auburnesq at 11:13 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

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