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hey moms I desperately need your advice on thus situation that I am having with my son.

he is 12 yrs old , he has autism he hasn't really been that bad. But resently he has little or no respect for for my daughter, nor my husband, or me. he's always back talking to us. and when he does his back talk he 's also calling us names. He won't listen to explainations ,he thinks hes right at all times. when this happens. so I was wondering what can be done,or what should I be doing about this. please help ,me help him .I really do need this .


Asked by incarnita at 10:51 PM on Nov. 29, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 14 (1,386 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • If he has autism maybe it can't be helped..

    Answer by chica679 at 11:04 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I'm guessing if he manages to do all that his autism isn't that bad. In which case, if he's going to act like a baby, treat him like one. Take all his privileges away - no tv, no games , etc - tell him if he want's to be treated with respect then he needs to treat everyone else with respect and until he does he doesn't get any privileges.

    Answer by dherrington at 10:57 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • Have you contatcted any of the Mom's in the Autism group here on Cafe Mom? another mom with an autistic child may understand the situation better or go to an autistic support site and ask a mom there. they havenmore experience than those of us with a no autistic child

    Answer by seasidegrandma at 11:05 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • I have a Mom's Dirty Word Rule.....back talk & calling names are on my dirty word list. For my kids if you say anything on mom's dirty word list, you scrub something dirty. I've found with my son that has ADHD there are times when I needed to ask him to go to his room to calm down. Then talk to him later. If he still didn't want to listen, & thinks he's right, then it's a matter of "I'm the adult, I have the ultimate responsibility, my decision stands. You don't have to agree, but you have to follow my rules." And, I agree with of my rules is "Two Year Old Behavior Rule". If you throw tantrums or act like a 2 year old, then you get 2 year old rules......bedtime is 8pm, only G rated programing, you go no where without adult supervision until you can behave maturely 7 treat others with respect....... Good luck!! I have 3 boys, the youngest just turned 18, & I have to tell you ages 17 to about 23 can be tough!

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:14 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • If he would back talk to me, I would simpy not say a word. Him not hearing any answer nor reaction, could have made him give up doing so. If he said something unpleasant, I'd simply try to turn in into a joke (saying 'you're funny - even though he's not - or that's a good one' and laugh w/ him'. It is probable that over time he'd simply cauch up on the positive reactions by himself rather than negatives. He would be noticing more of the 1st in movies, books etc. Why not to tell his sister to talk to him nicely no matter what, such as 'I like that' (make her thinking it's sarcasm) or 'your vocabulary is off books' - he could take it as a complament rather than a sad fact. My comments would not contain any negativity in themselves, but be rater pure statements of facts. Why don't you try this? Them could make him thinking about sthg else rather then focusing on cont-ing. the 'rag-ie' talk (thoughts redirection). Good luck.

    Answer by baby133 at 11:16 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • i cant give you any better advice these ladies have already said to you.are you sure its autism or being spoiled? i have 13 yr old grson that im raising and he acts out in the same except for the name calling.i give out punishment to him as these ladies said but if its autism,which i know little about ,i would be afraid to say lola

    Answer by misslj at 11:36 PM on Nov. 29, 2009

  • That sounds good. where how do I get on to find te Autistic group here on cafemom? just show me the way and I shall be there. lol. and thank you. so much.

    Answer by incarnita at 7:47 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Is he in any special ed classes or seeing any specialists for the autism? If so, his teacher would be your most valuable asset. My best friend is an autism special ed teacher, and the one thing I have learned is that consistency in whatever approach you use is the most important thing you can do. Have there been any changes in his schedule recently? As I'm sure you know, holidays are a tough time for people with autism.

    Answer by elasmimi at 9:51 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • You can search autism groups at the top right of the page.  When choosing groups, I try to get one that is fairly active and has a number of members.  Good luck.


    Answer by dawnjohnson5 at 8:35 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Scratch all that of what I said before he doesn't have autisum , he has asperger's. sorry I just got back here to check my aswers and I realized I said autisum instead of asperger's. asperger's is what he has. not that much or serious , but he does have some. his respect for others is whats really scarey. He has none.

    Answer by incarnita at 11:48 PM on Nov. 30, 2009