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Would you talk to an ex as a friend without telling your husband?

For example, if an ex boyfriend comes home from the military and wants to go for coffee to talk. How do you handle it?

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sweetphoenix529

Asked by sweetphoenix529 at 12:01 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (139 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • No, I personally wouldn't. First of all, why wouldn't you tell your husband? I wouldn't be comfortable having coffee, lunch, dinner drinks, anything with another guy....especially an ex, unless my husband came with us, and was comfortable doing it. I'd be very hurt if he went out for coffee with an ex and didn't tell me. I'd wonder what he was hiding.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:04 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • if it was something i needed to keep from my dh, then i wouldn't be doing it.
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 12:06 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I have done so hey its will be in your mind. I did it online.lol. To me it was like a rush and then I had to push him away. It was fun but if my husband found out he would not turst me fo not telling him. it's really up to you and what type of ex you had and what are your intention .
    goodmama

    Answer by goodmama at 12:06 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • If you feel like your husband would not like it, don't do it. If you do, even if you are just going as friends, it can be misconstrued as something more and who wants that conflict? Not a good idea.
    sweetmoonem

    Answer by sweetmoonem at 12:08 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • i wouldnt keep it from him. i am currently talking to my ex an helping him get through his chemo treatment but my SO knows of this an even though he wasnt comfortable with it he accepted it.

    but why would you keep it from him? if its just harmless talking then why hide it?
    akalei

    Answer by akalei at 12:08 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Honestly, i would ask my husband if it were okay for me to catch up with my ex as a friend. Yes, i would ASK. I don't want to do anything that would make my DH feel uncomfortable. AND my DH isn't even around. He's in the military overseas himself. Which is the main reason why i ask. because he's not here to see what's going on. i could easily go out with "an old friend" and he'd never know. But i wont do that.
    But i know my husband. ...and i don't think he'd like me to visit with an ex, but he wouldn't stop me either.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:13 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • PHEW! I thought I would be the only one. I agree with all but #2. If you are married or not and living with your husband or BF, especially if you even have kids. DO NOT talk with a another man behind his back. That is dangerous water you tread even toying with the idea. Break up or move out. Are you a good mom if you have kids and your thinking about that. NO!!! I'm blunt cause I've seen the damages of smarta__, youthful attitude that never does good for anyone. Now as an older mama, I see all the stupidity of the past, and on the news and would NEVER jeopardize the happiness and security of this innocent child I brought into this sad world for no amount of attention. Geez.. We all should have stupidity tests before we are allowed to be parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • No way. I would be ROYALLY pissed if my Husband did that to me, so I am certainly not going to do it to him. We talk to each other about any kind of contact we have with an ex. Because we are so open we trust each other. Talk to your Husband if you want to meet up with this guy, don't do it behind his back! That is just plain W-R-O-N-G!
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 12:35 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I would totally talk with an ex, but I don't personally have any reason to hide it from my husband. I don't tell him who he can or can not talk to or go to lunch with and he doesn't do that to me. I've always had male friends and see no reason to change that. We trust each other so it's not an issue. However, no, I wouldn't hide it because there'd be no reason. Reversely, if I were say out at the mall and ran into a friend and had coffee to catch up, I wouldn't necessarily mentioned it, just as i wouldn't if I ran into a female friend just because we don't necessarily tell each other about every moment of every day-I talk to friends all the time and he'd be board if I recounted all of it for him.

    We've been married a long time and have complete trust and faith in each other.
    heatheryn

    Answer by heatheryn at 12:46 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • oops I meant I agree w/all but #3
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

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