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My nephew is too violent with my kid and his parents won't correct him and its hard to avoid him.

My husband has a brother, seven years younger who has a son the same age as my son. They are now four years old. When we see them once a year for a holiday the nephew is violent to our son repeatedly, randomly and with increasing violence. His parents do nothing to correct the nephew and have said "that is so cute" and "boys will be boys" and "Yours is too sensitive and sisssy and nephew is toughening him up, you are welcome" or "let them work it out"

The last time I saw these people was last september 08. The nephew threw a big ball of wet sand into my son's face and thought it was funny. I took my son and left the house without saying goodbye. They were offended that I left as if I were saying they are bad parents.

My husbands mother makes things worse by acting like we are both over reacting. She just wants to smooth things over like there is nothing wrong.

help!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • GREAT ANSWERS above!!! Really like the responses. Some kids are more of a gentle soul & aren't gonna be able to/want to beat up another but you should teach your son how to verbally tell someone to stop. Teach him that if they don't listen to him its okay to walk away & not play w/ them. Tell him he's in control of how ppl treat him & if he doesn't like something/someone that he doesn't have to take it bc they're family or stronger. Tell him he should ignore them until they want to play nice.
    As for the parents...before there is an issue tell them what you think is appropriate, what's not, & what the consequences are. For ex: Last time we were here there was an incident w/ the sand. I just want to let you know that we don't think its okay to throw things in ppl's faces & if it happens again we'll be leaving. Stick to your guns & don't let others bully your kid. Not all boys are rough & tumble & inmates in training!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:52 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Don't go tell your husband you will not attend if he wants he can go but you will not put your son in complete humiliation and have other kids mistreat him. I were you I would show my chld to beat his ass. lol than the other parents will feel what you feel. And you could say boys will be boys and leave.
    goodmama

    Answer by goodmama at 1:26 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I agree. Teach your boy to stand up for himself against this little terror! Does your DH do anything about it? Id make my DH lay down the law if someone was hurting my kid. If it didnt stop My child and I wouldnt attend their family events anymore
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 1:32 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I would have said," If I throw wet sand in YOUR faces, would you think that is cute or would you need to toughen up too?"

    Kids should have set rules and ONE should be, "NO, we do not THROW sand, we PLAy with it like this. Never throw sand at anyone." I would be pissed off. Apparently THEY play rough with him so he thinks he can be like that with everyone too. Monkey see, monkey do.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • CONTINUED...

    I would tell my husband until they ( the parents ) act approriate and dicipline their childs behavior you will not tolerate your son being around theirs til he can act correctly cause you can not afford your child going blind from sand being thrown in the eyes, which is dangerous enough, but you will not watch your child being bullied by a child parents whom think it is OK behavior.

    Seriously! I would say this. And say... I love your family honey, but that is un-called for. What if tables were turned and our child was doing this to their son? Would they think it is cute and OK? I bet not.

    I'd rather be safe then sorry and not let the children play together. For now. We can't afford any medical bills nor can they.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • The only way to fight a bully is to stand up to him. YOU tell the kid to stop that he is being a brat. You are your child's only advocate and most important one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Wow. No wonder the world is getting worse. Telling kids to beat each other up, etc. OP, I totally agree with you, that they are not being cool. I think it's horrid that they allow this bullying ot go on. And I do believe that if your kid were the one doing the bullying, they would be mad as hell. If I were you, I'd make it very clear to them and the nephew that it is never ok to put hands on my child without his permission, and that it is never ok to hurt, humiliate or otherwise cause stress to him or you. If they gave me kip about it, I'd just not go over there anymore, and not allow them around my kid until they changed their tune. My family knows how much of a mama bear I am to my kids, so they know I'm dead serious when I say leave my kids alone, or else. I think you need to be the same way. It is ok to teach your kid to stick up for himself, but there's no need for violence.
    NightPhoenix

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 2:04 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • My first responsibility is to my child. He needs to know that I am going to protect him in all situations, that I would never let anyone abuse or harm him. This is my first priority. His trust in me is essential...his future depends on it. When he is older and needs a person to confide in or has a situation where someone is harming him - his trust in me is what will allow him to let me into his world. So if my in-laws were not able to assist my nephew and redirect his behavior I would leave. Or not come at all if this were consistent. I'm not one for drama and don't give a damn what my in-laws say. If they start calling and causing a fuss then I'd drop their asses. My in-laws know to back off because I did drop my parents. I haven't spoken to them in over a year because of my mother's self created drama. Don't do drama Mama...just protect your child. He needs to know you don't accept violence from anyone. 

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:16 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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